A Joytoy’s Journey to become a Hive-Queen [A SCS Fanfic]

Chapter 72 – Escaping the Self

“Over millennia we watched the skies, yet strangely, we have not found any like us. Species come, species go, all of them so different to our own. They lack harmony, forever doomed to chaos. Empires rise, kingdoms crumble, discord sown again and again. How cold and lonely it must be to face the darkness of space alone…”

  -  ???

It’s only been a couple days since we first became a Hive-Mind, even if it felt so much longer. In that time we did try our best to learn what it means to be a collective, a chorus, and we did make some progress.

However, that progress seemed small, irrelevant, compared to the magnitude we had just achieved.

It had not been easy, at first our discussions were much like they had been before. We were simply a collection of voices exchanging opinions and approaches, trying to find a way for Us to move forward.

Then something changed, once we truly immersed ourselves into this issue, delving deeper than we had before, more on instinct than anything else, if even that. Perhaps it was simply a logical conclusion to the path we were taking, or maybe it was a chance achievement, and we just so happened to do the thing we needed to do to get one step closer.

Whatever the case, the change was immediate and breathtaking.

As one we came together, nigh on a thousand four hundred voices, all united in deliberation. It was a new sensation for Us, something so far removed from our conversations before. What was only surface level before, became something more intimate, finally overcoming the remove at which we operated prior.

Even those who were closest to the core that made Us had not participated in this manner before. It was an alien experience, a new sensation, yet for all it differed, it was… freeing. Suddenly there was purpose, where purpose was lacking. There was unity where before was only chaos.

In this state, even the smallest inconsistencies were no longer relevant, the core of what we were laid bare and, for the first time, properly taken advantage of. We were no ordinary Hexclaw Hive, that much was for certain. We did not need to repeat the discussions that we had previously to come to this conclusion anew, we all shared in that memory, after all.

But we were a Hive-Mind, and with the borders between ourselves finally overcome, it opened Us to a whole new world of experience and harmony. The self was a prison, one that we had finally managed to breach. After all, what is a single voice compared to a magnificent chorus?

Our collective was an island of harmony and stability, free of the sea of discord that surrounded Us. We are one. We are all. And together, our unity could not be divided. It was a feeling so immensely overwhelming yet deeply calming.

As one we took a deep breath, letting the experience wash over Us, infuse Us. This was what the chorus was supposed to be.

We let out our breaths, for as magnificent as this achievement was, it was merely one step amongst many we had to take before we could finally find our path. And on this path we had to do more than simply achieve the harmony we had been lacking up until now.

We were no ordinary Hexclaw Hive, yet we were a Hive-Mind. What set Us apart was that we also weren’t without individualism. That was the balance that had to be struck. And that balance would take time to find.

Even within the fluid collection of our voices, there had to be order, and so the Hive-Princess was the one to take the lead, was she not the most informed about the inner workings of any Hexclaw Hive-Mind. Granted, even she only knew so much, for we were not experienced with matters of this fundamental substance. 

It was not the same as it had been before, where we conversed between Us as people would on the street. We did not commune with voices, mental or otherwise, we were far too connected for that to be a necessity. Therefore the Hive-Princess did not lead a discussion, she was choreographing a performance.

It finally gave meaning to the term we had described our collective with all this time. A chorus was more than just an ensemble of musicians, it was a harmonious whole. It did not need a moderator, it needed a conductor.

Of course, the Hive-Queen was far too overwhelmed by this new experience to act the part this time. We could not blame her, as a human born this was far more alien to her than it was even to the rest of Us. It would take time for all of Us to become accustomed to this new state of being, but for her, it was an entirely new realm.

Luckily, time was something we had enough of.

Upon closer inspection of ourselves, time did not seem to matter as much to Us in this state. It was not that we did not experience it, time was an inevitability and even the likes of Us were bound by such baseline laws, but the feeling of it was certainly different. It made coordinating our bodies slightly trickier than we originally expected, even if the discrepancy between our perceived time and the objective time was by far not as vast as some may have expected.

Still, it did enable Us to take things slow, to familiarise ourselves with this new state of thinking. The chorus had been our most important aspect ever since we became who we are today, yet, just as the Hive-Princess had theorised, so far we had not made proper use of it.

Only once we had decided to truly come together, the gravitas of the issues we were facing our catalyst, had we managed the harmony that eclipsed the individuality that otherwise marked our chorus. And it allowed Us to think as one on a much deeper level than before.

In idle rumination we marched, the antithesis would not wait for Us to take our time. War Drones and Hatchlings, Sabertooths and Meerkats, Glinthawks and Silthens all moved in perfect synchronicity. No longer was there movement wasted, no longer did we have to take time to organise ourselves.

You did not need to inform the left arm about what the right arm was doing when both were part of the same body.

With precision we struck, the collective mass of our bodies overwhelming the antithesis defences in no time flat. The others watched Us, Bobby and Chloe both keeping a careful eye on our movements, but we did not pay it much mind. We could now ensure their safety much more easily than they could hope to do.

Of course, we were aware of their confusion, maybe even slight concern. The shift in movement had happened rather abruptly. Perhaps it would be best to inform them? After all, the last thing we wanted was for them to think something happened to Us.

Especially Chloe.

Utilising the Queen’s body, as it was the closest and most familiar for the two, we turned towards them, giving them a warm smile. A small part of our collective was amused by the ease at which we could control each body individually. And a good thing too, seeing over a thousand bodies all smile the same warm smile would most likely end up with quite the creepy atmosphere.

“What is happening?” Chloe asked Us, her tone unsurprisingly a little concerned.

“We might finally have found the proper application of the chorus,” we replied, giving her a small shrug. “There is much more to it than just what you experienced in that simulation. More than even we were aware of. It might take a little getting used to, but it is… quite the experience.”

While we spoke to her, we were busy pursuing other tasks. With no borders to separate our efforts, multitasking became trivial, no longer bound to the individual bodies and voices as we were.

Of course, the main purpose of this deliberation was the issue of our path. But that was simply the instigator of our harmony, there were many things that needed discussing. The body modifications were one of the bigger topics, the movement of our forces around the other Hives another.

All the while we continued our fight against the antithesis.

It was this which caught our attention. Early on it had become apparent that Hexclaws reacted differently to the antithesis, with our desire to conquer their swarm, to destroy and devour them. Each of Us, excluding the Hive-Queen, had felt it.

But now? It was not that it was absent. The desire was still there, deep down, rooted deep into the core of our being. But it was weak, far weaker than it had ever been. We contemplated this difference for a long moment, inspecting ourselves closely. 

Perhaps this was the influence of the human part of our being? It would most certainly make sense. As different as we were, our humanity still formed the very core. Even the seeds that grew our collective were rooted in that humanity.

If that was indeed the case, it would mean that many of our worries were misplaced. A welcome thought, yet one we were cautious about adopting. These things needed time, and before we lost ourselves in hasty conclusions, we had to make sure that there was merit to it.

With barely any resistance we overran one of the caves, ripping apart the alien fruit that tried to stop Us. In a way, it was almost disappointing how easy things were. Where before we had struggled to keep the larger models at bay, we now could deal with any model Sixes before they even had time to find a way to stop Us.

The biggest threat remained to be the stealth models. Even with all the equipment and sensory enhancements we had, each of them could spell disaster for our individual bodies, should they manage to ambush Us.

Of course, we were still conversing with Chloe. Her reaction to our words were… curious, to say the very least. Utilising all the senses the Hive-Queen had at her disposal, we kept a close eye on her, her heart rate, her body language, the way her expression shifted based upon her voice.

“What exactly do you mean by that?” she asked eventually, only taking a moment, although from our point of view it felt more like several seconds.

“It is hard to describe, which shouldn’t surprise you. Before, we discussed, deliberated, talked to one another, and kept in touch. You have experienced what that was like, of course. Now… it’s more than that. We told you before that we are one. There are no words to describe how wrong that assumption was. Up until now we worked together, as a chorus. Now we are the chorus.”

Shaking our head, we glanced at the rest of our bodies, moving as one towards yet another cave to deal with.

“There are many things we need to deliberate on. At the core, we need to find our own path as a Hive-Mind, for we are neither Human, nor are we Hexclaw. We are both, and that changes the way our collective works. It is something we were aware of, especially after you voiced your concerns when we first obtained the upgrade, and, of course, after the simulation. However, we believe we went about it the wrong way. Instead of focusing too much on one or the other, we need to find a balance. Then there is the discussion about our body mods…” We gave her a shrug, “As useful as they might seem, it is not easy for Us to simply decide to get them.”

“I can barely parse half of that,” Bobby muttered, watching Us with a hint of uncertainty.

He didn’t seem to be too concerned, which we supposed made sense. He was a lot more experienced and had probably seen a lot of different Samurai acting rather strangely. Even if a Hive-Mind was a whole nother ballpark, it might not be as unsettling for him as it might be for others.

Chloe just sighed, shaking her head.

“Honestly, at this point I’m just wondering why I’m even surprised,” she said, her voice mirthful. “One minute we’re struggling to keep the aliens contained, the next you clear out a cave all on your own without any trouble.”

She laughed slightly, “Well, I guess having a girlfriend who can take care of herself is a good thing, right? Maybe we can take this moment to take a break?”

“Feel free to do so,” we said with a nod and a smile, our collective fluttering at her words. “We will make sure nothing happens.”

Bobby and Chloe both found themselves a place to take a seat and settled down. Chloe took off her helmet, combing through her hair with one hand, while Bobby held out his hand with a nutrition pack appearing in it not a moment later.

“You mentioned those body mods. Why is it such a hard thing to decide on?” Chloe asked after both made themselves comfortable, and we made our way over, sitting down in her lap.

“It is a question of humanity, a topic we have been struggling with for a little while now. A part of that is because of the worries you voiced before the simulation, a part of it is the question of identity, something we so far have not really realised we were struggling with. Then there is the fear that you might not like it, which is a rather large part of the problem. Of course, having the body mods would mean that we would be much more capable in combat. Even with our equipment and the training we have gotten, there is some question about how competent of a combatant the Hive-Queen is.”

We stopped, frowning for a moment. “That does sound a lot worse to say in person than it does when we are amongst ourselves.”

Chloe didn’t seem to be deterred by that, watching Us with interest instead. We had expected her to recoil at the phrasing, yet she didn’t seem too bothered by it, which we took as a good sign.

“The Hive-Queen?” she asked, curiosity obvious.

“In this state the borders between individuals are blurred. It is what makes the chorus such a powerful tool. Up until now, we only scratched the surface of what we can do with it, now we are truly one. It makes referring to members of the collective a bit tricky, since we lack the direct and experienced individualism. It is not that we are not still individuals; however, there is a difference between the states of immersion. Yet another thing we need to find a way to properly address, considering that it might freak people out if we no longer go by our names in this state.”

We chuckled wryly at a stray thought. “It might be more correct to say that at this moment, this body is more of a puppet than it is an individual. That will change, of course, once we let go of the harmony. Still, something that might be a bit more unsettling.”

“Oi, lass, you’re startin’ to sound creepy,” Bobby mused, his expression hard to read.

“I don’t think so,” Chloe said with a smile, “She is quite unique. And it sounds like it’s not really a new thing, just a perfected version of something she’s done for a while now. We had a simulation during which Jenna and I learned what it’s like to be a Hive-Mind, so I understand where she is coming from.”

Turning her attention fully back to Us, she continued. “And I don’t think you’ll need to worry too much about all of that. I think it’s pretty clear that you aren’t some monster, and you won’t just become one. If you feel like the body mods are necessary, go get them.”

“Thank you, Chloe,” we said with a goofy smile, leaning in for a tender kiss.

In our collective state the Hive-Queen’s urges were diminished, even if still present. It made it much easier to restrain ourselves from jumping our girlfriend in excitement.

“There are a few other issues with it as well, however. Primarily the time it takes to undergo the transformation. We would, in effect, exchange her body for something else entirely. The only thing that would remain would be the brain, as that cannot be changed. At least not with that method, there are some options we have as Hexclaws, although they would need much deeper discussions first. The transformation from human to Hexclaw shapeshifter would take a couple of days. Only once we are capable of shapeshifting will that change, making it much easier to change from form to form.”

“And you won’t be able to do anything during the transformation?” Chloe asked, wrapping an arm around Us and pulling Us closer.

“Oh, we can. This is merely one body of nearly a thousand four hundred. While it is the only body that can reliably spend points… Actually, how would that change? Kaysa?”

Our conversation had sparked yet another idea that we explored. It was one of many trains of thoughts we worked through at the same time, not stopping our advance against the antithesis either.

If I understand your question correctly, you are asking if the point spending limitations change if you are in the state you are currently in?

“Yes. As one, we lack the individual voice of the Hive-Queen to make such decisions. She is part of Us, not even individually controlling this body.”

I’m afraid I’ll have to disappoint you. While you might finally have achieved the level of harmony a true Hive-Mind should be capable of, the limitations are placed on the bodies, not the voices.

“Ah. It was worth an attempt, nonetheless.” We shook our head, returning our attention back to the wonderful woman who’s lap we were occupying. “As we were saying, while this is the only body that can reliably spend points, outside of our Spotters, it is not actually required to keep the Hive going. As long as the brain and the Implants remain, so will we. We have the capabilities to replenish our forces if need be, are more than capable of handling things on our own, and the Hive-Queen… Seraphine would still be around during the transformation, considering that she is part of Us.”

“That sounds like there is no reason not to do it,” Bobby chimed in, finishing another nutrition pack and putting it aside to start checking over his gear.

“Rationally, there is not. Emotionally… There are many facets to who we are, as Myriad and as individuals. It is why it is such a hard question to answer. This newfound application of the chorus came to be because we felt the need to discuss fundamental issues plaguing Us and our capabilities as a Hive-Mind. We are torn between our humanity and our Hexclaw nature, and even though we intellectually know that we need to apply ourselves differently, that is easier said than done. One of the facets of our human side, in all likelihood. And while it might be a hindrance, we also do not want to push it aside. If we are to find a way to balance the two aspects, then we also have to find a way to reconcile our human emotions with the rationale of the Hexclaws.”

“That sounds a lot like rehearsing the same thing to me,” Chloe mused. “Not that I blame you for it, a lot of it seems to go back to that issue. I’m just not sure how applicable that is at the moment.”

“We do not know. As we speak, we are discussing how to potentially find a balance there. And part of that might mean taking this leap and obtaining the body mods. Our humanity is important, but we also cannot let it restrict Us, since that would defeat the point.”

“Just need to find a safe place then, yeah?” Bobby asked, gaze locked on his shotgun as he worked on it.

“The Corvette will be sufficient, we believe. We might obtain more Spotters beforehand, if only so we can ensure that we can still obtain any items during the transformation, even if one of them gets killed.”

There was a moment of silence, Chloe studying Us with interest, a small smile on her lips. 

“To me it sounds a lot like you’re looking for excuses. Which I guess makes a bit of sense. But I don’t think it’s really helping either. You wanted to know what I think. Well, I say go for it. If it helps us deal with the xenos, then I’m all for it. And it’s not like you’d become someone else up here.” She tapped our forehead gently. “I won’t say that I’m not a little reserved about all of it, you know my worries. But even to me it doesn’t sound like that big of a deal. How many Samurai go full borg, or full mutant or whatnot? It doesn’t change them that much, I don’t think. Look at Glubber, they might be different from how they were before, but I’d wager that change was a lot less extensive than some might think. Not to mention,” she paused for a moment, giving Us a warm smile. “You already underwent the most drastic change. If becoming a Hive-Mind won’t change you, then I don’t think changing your body will.”

We chuckled at that, thankful for how supportive she was. We truly were the luckiest Hive-Mind in existence to have her as our girlfriend.

Leaning closer, we wrapped her up in a hug, giving her a long, tender kiss, just conveying our gratefulness to her. The feel of it was different, now that we were truly one, much more intense yet also much more pure. Not that we didn’t love her outside of this, but there was a difference in that love, one that was different for each of Us.

As one those differences all merged, forming a whole new experience, one we could drown in for days on end.

“Even with all our voices, we still lack the words to properly convey to you how much we love you,” we said quietly after breaking the kiss. “Thank you for being so supportive, Chloe, even when it comes to topics you might still be undecided upon.”

She giggled softly, gazing into our eyes, and we returned that gaze, losing ourselves in those ponds filled with care and adoration.

“That’s what I’m here for. Now, do you wanna go get those body mods done, or do you need some more time to think? I think Bobby and I can deal with most of the things around with the help of the rest of you.”

Taking a moment, we deliberated that question. During our conversation with our girlfriend we had, of course, continued to discuss things, and while there were still many topics that required more time, we did have to agree with her. Even if part of Us still bucked at the idea.

Perhaps we should just go for it, see where it would take Us. It would not be impossible to reverse the changes, after all, all it took were some points and some time.

“Very well… No reason not to.”

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