Chapter 198 - It's Okay
My breath caught in my throat as I felt Fang's breath on my neck. So warm and yet so calm. "Let go of me, Fang!" I said as I tried to get out of his hold, but his grip around me only tightened. With his other hand, he closed the door behind him and then slid that arm around my collarbone, holding onto my shoulder. "What are you doing, Fang? Let go of me!" I wonder how many times had I said that sentence to him.
Every time Fang found a way to hold me, and I was left helpless under his touch. He kept hugging me from behind before he slid the long neck of my top to reveal the mark.
His lips made contact with my skin there and my eyebrows immediately pulled in together.
My mind was not free right now to accept anything of this, but somewhere I felt lost. Lost that I had failed to save someone close to me. It was not just a hint of self-doubt weighing on me, but a thought that I was weak that made it all the more miserable. I could not mourn properly for Elaine, and Sam was lying in the ICU at the brink of life. I was here in Fang's hold, helpless as always, and my mind unconsciously submitted to him. The resistance and the need to fight had all disappeared from me within the last few hours.
Fang's lips traced his kiss from the crook of my neck to the back of my ear.
Suddenly, he stopped doing whatever he was doing and tightened his hold on me. He squeezed me against him and talked in a low voice, "It's okay to feel this way, Selene."
"What?" My eyes suddenly snapped open, and it felt like Fang had just travelled through my soul.
I tried to walk out of his hold, but Fang just pulled me back against himself and held me close to him. My breath caught in my throat when my fingers shook momentarily. I went on to hold his arm around my shoulder but it was like I had butter finger. "Selene," Fang called out to me, and the ball of sadness that had risen in my throat dipped in the pit of my stomach.
"Hm?" I asked in a hum, not wanting to hear my voice crack in front of someone like Fang.
But Fang did not say anything for a long time. He had just called my name and there was nothing else to it. It took me some time to collect my thoughts and when I finally moved in his hold, Fang spoke, "Don't feel guilty for something which was not in your control."
"I am not," I whispered back to him.
Fang shushed me quickly, as if he wasn't done talking, "Shh, what happened yesterday... No one expected it. It was devastating for so many families. No one deserved to die like that and everyone deserved your help, which they got."
"They did not," I couldn't help but say it as my voice cracked.
How did everyone receive my help when Winterwells lost four pack members and Waterwoods lost five of them? Of course, the families faced more grief about the loss, but I felt responsible somewhere. Even though Zelda hadn't stated the cause of her attack, the letter was still directed towards me. The attack last night surely had something to do with me. The sad part was that the events hadn't turned straight, even after the night. My heart continued to pain from the loss.
Fang inhaled deeply and kissed at the side of my head, "It isn't turning out well, right?"
What kind of stupid question was that. It was like this man did not know anything about consoling at all, rather he just spoke whatever he could to calm me. "Nothing is well Fang," I was almost irritated with my tone.
Fang hummed, "Are you going to leave it just like that?"
I pushed him away from me, "Of course I am doing whatever I could." I turned to meet his eyes and Fang held his passive expression, ready to listen to what I had to say. "Are you saying I am falling short on my duties?" I asked.
Fang shook his head, "No, I wasn't talking about that."
"Then what, Fang?" My voice rose as I stepped forward offensively towards him. My wolf surfacing.
Fang leaned his head so he could have a better look on my face. I doubted he would take advantage of my lips at a moment like this, so I stood my ground. One of the worst parts that came in a parcel with being born an Alpha was the ego we held inside us along with the rage.
There was a momentary stare between us before Fang sighed, "I am asking whether is that court proof of the bail enough?"
I blinked at him, trying to understand what he was trying to say.
Fang raised his hand up to cup my face, and my skin tingled when his fingers made contact with my cheeks. I drew in a sharp breath without taking my eyes off him, "You are so lost in your contained grief Selene, let it out."
My eyebrows creased, "I am not lost anywhere."
Fang drifted his hand in a way that his fingers weaved into my hair. He gripped my hair in his fist lightly and there was an odd feeling which engulfed me. Fang yanked my head back, so I was clearly looking at him, into his void eyes. "You are still fiddling with trivial things of what Channing said and what the villagers did when you are given the chance to solve this case your own way." My mouth opened to speak, but Fang overpowered me, "are you really satisfied with that one court order?"
My eyes moved down, knowing exactly what he was talking about. Now that it had come to this, I knew what I felt inside me. The irritation, the snappy decisions and every stupid thing I had done since this morning.
"I am f..." My voice cracked and I cleared my throat, "I am fine, Fang."
His grip on my hair relaxed as I felt his finger run through my hair. Next moment Fang pulled me against his chest and the lights in the room when off.
I jumped in his hold and unconsciously gripped his shirt, "Power shortage in the capital!"
"No," Fang whispered, "Let's just stay this way for a while."
"Fang," I whispered his name, but he just clenched me. I could feel his beating heart against my ears and could help but be there. His embrace was warm as his other hand came around my back. Everything about his touch was pure right now.
Fang leaned and I felt his lips touch on top of my head, "I know how heavy you feel. Elaine and Sam were both important to you, Selene. Let's bring justice to them properly."
I breathed in listening to his words, "Sam is safe."
"I know," Fang did not deny my childish retort and it made me move my head in a way that my forehead now touched his taut chest.
I gulped as my lips started to tremble and the tears, which I should have spilt hours ago, brimmed up in my eyes. There was nothing for me to say anymore as all my energy went in holding the tears back and Fang just held me there as if I was the most fragile thing in the world.. "I will bring proper justice to them," I said, and Fang hummed without saying anything more.