Because I Cannot Hurt You

Chapter 181 - Zizi's Resounding Confession (2)

Yunru said nothing. He just kept listening to her in a daze.

Her words slurred and faltered as she sniveled.

"I don't know since when and I-I don't know how and I also don't know why…but I only know that I have fallen in love with you. I denied it for a long time. I tried to convince myself that it was just infatuation...I ran away from my feelings with all my might. Even when you talked about your girl-girlfriend, I pretended that it didn't hurt me at all. I ran and ran. I smiled and I smiled more...but...but…"

She covered her mouth and wailed hard, letting out all the pain she had buried in her chest. "But I couldn't do it. I couldn't let it not affect me. I tried to... forget you...I tried to think of you just as an annoying friend. But I couldn't stop my heart from beating faster whenever you were beside me. Whenever I looked your way, I-I would always feel so happy...I started to like spending time with you. And when it ended, I felt sad that it...that it couldn't go on for a little longer…"

"I love you so much that I felt jealous of your girlfriend!" Her muffled sobs shook her. "I don't like you talking about her...I don't like you thinking about her. That night at the beach when you were drunk and crying...I was cry-crying with you because I couldn't see you so heartbroken and...also because I couldn't bear to see you chasing after a woman. I wondered why couldn't you t-think of me that way…? Why can you not forget her and give m-me a chance to love you?"

It was hard to face him after how she confessed. Her loud and pounding heartbeat in her chest made her realize how much courage it took to confess one's feelings.

Especially when she knew that Yunru already liked someone else.

It was hell scary. At this moment, Zizi was the most vulnerable who stood before him, baring her heart and feelings open. Her slender figure was shaking as it took all the confidence she had to pour out everything she felt for him.

"I liked it when you took my side in the mall that day. I-I thought you wouldn't because we always fought. I liked it when you saved me in the bar from those goons…Then when I…" she felt her heart thudding faster and faster, "I s-saw the couples dancing, I wished to dance with you too. So I asked you out! I liked the time when we danced together and you held me. I really did…" she cried.

"Then you stayed the night here after you dropped me home from the bar…" she clasped her hands together as she whispered, "I even made your special bittersweet juice that you like so much! I learned it from Xinyi because I wanted...you to praise me. And I was so happy that you liked something that I made for the first time...It made my heart jump when you smiled at me."

"After that, I couldn't sleep at all. T-The only thing spinning in my mind was that you were sleeping right beside my room and somehow I got more restless…It's all because of Siying actually! He said that we should sleep t-together in one r-room," her cheeks turned red, "and I couldn't get it out of my mind."

Zizi took a deep breath and refused to stop because she knew if she did, she would never get the courage again to confess.

"Actually, secretly...I was happy that Grandpa told you to stay here because the ride back home from the bar felt so short to me...I was up the whole night thinking about you. I even got dark circles because of you the next morning!" She wiped her eyes. There was a hint of complaint in her voice. "For the first time I looked so ugly but I didn't mind it...it was only because of you."

"I started to miss you so I...I even thought of an excuse to meet you to give you the skin cream. Tr-truthfully, your skin was just fine. A little tanned but still fine. I just wanted to meet you so I could only think of that…"

"And even on that night, when we accidentally...slept on the same bed, I couldn't get angry. I know I should but I couldn't... When Uncle Soo saw us together that day and misunderstood the situation...he thought that I was your girlfriend. I-I was shocked but...I realized that I didn't really f-feel against it...I…" tears pooled in her eyes and stained her already wet cheeks. "I liked that thought of us... together… I didn't know why but I liked it…"

"That's why when Grandpa and Uncle Soo declared our engagement yesterday, I couldn't say anything! I couldn't deny it. I couldn't confess that there is nothing between. I couldn't admit that you already had a girlfriend because I didn't want to end things between us!"

She tremblingly raised her arm and weakly hit on his chest again and again. "I didn't want to end it. I like our time together…" she gasped, "I like it when you annoy me. I like it when you laugh. I like it when you call me Princess. But everything would have ended once I had told the truth right…? I didn't want that to happen. I don't want it to end. I…"

She cried hard as she stared at him as if she was pleading with him with all her might. "I don't want you to confess your feelings to her…"

She clutched his shirt and shook him hard as she sobbed. "Don't go to her…"

Yunru lowered his gaze and stared at her as she tightly held on to him. Her confession shook him to the core as much as it shocked him. He could only listen to her in a stupor as she poured out everything.

The arrogant spoiled princess who he always teased to be sheltered had quietly and silently done so many things just for him. She had gone out of her comfort zone just to make him happy. She had changed herself just for him even if a little bit. He had no clue that she held such deep feelings for him, and he only hurt her every time he spoke about Shuang.

Her feelings for him were unexpected but love was also something that... just happened. It didn't need a reason to fall for someone.

Her soft, muffled sobs echoed in the room. She wiped her tears over and over again, but it kept flowing to no end. Now that she had finally calmed down after her confession, she realized what was going to happen next.

"Princess…" he felt his throat choke. He knew the pain of one-sided love because he stayed in one himself for seven years. It crushed his heart to see her in grief and crying and weakly clutching onto him. He knew how Zizi would feel but…

His hands trembled as he cupped her face. His gaze met her tearful one, making his heart quiver. He never thought that he would see Zizi like this one day.

"Princess...I…" he didn't know how to come up with words.

"Thank you," he whispered, "Thank you so much. I really, really respect your feelings for me. I am really happy that you care about me so much. But…"

Zizi shivered.

"...I," he couldn't help but tear up too, "I love my girlfriend. A lot. I cannot think about anyone but her. You are a great woman, Princess and you deserve an equally great man just like a Prince. But I...I am sorry. That prince cannot be me."

Her heart shattered akin to a glass loudly crashing down. The tears flew ever more vigorously than before. The pain of rejection felt as if it made her numb.

"Why not? I don't want any prince. I only want you!" She trembled. Her tearful gasps expressed the pain shining in her eyes. "Why can it not be me? Sh-she doesn't like you Yunru! But I do! I will...I will always love only you. Why...why can you not give me a chance?"

"I know," a sad smile laced his lips. "I know she doesn't like me, but...if I tell her about my feelings, she might start to think about me that way. I still have a chance-"

"And if she rejects you?" Zizi sharply asked back.

He stiffened.

"Tell me. What if she rejects you? Why do you hold hope for a woman who couldn't love you in seven years? Why do you think she will accept you so suddenly just because you will confess?"

Yunru clenched his fist as her words shot right through his heart.

Of course, he thought of that possibility…

Yunru looked back at her. He faintly smiled. "Princess, it took me seven years to find my courage to take this chance and confess. I don't know what will happen. But this time, I cannot back out."