Born a Monster

340 Parley Pending

Plotline: Main

Type: Social

It turns out that negotiations between warring sides is a big thing. Or perhaps I need to fill in the time, it being a week after Bei’s final passing.

Yan Di was nineteen experience points from level two, something that both he and Tsu Ba were excited about. I tried to be enthusiastic and supporting, but honestly...

[You have gained no Envy past your Sin Armor.]

So, while not Jealous, I was jealous. Which didn’t mean that I slacked off on trying to think of new things to teach them. After a week, I was running out of things I knew that they didn’t.

And we hadn’t missed a quota since that day, so I wasn’t expecting Madonna. I certainly wasn’t expecting her with Kismet in tow.

“Ping.” Madonna said.

“Black Eyes.” Kismet said.

.....

“Honored ladies.” I said, trying and failing to remain casual.

“Ping, you’re coming with us.” Madonna said.

“Uh, of course... where?” I asked.

“His clothes... those won’t work.” Kismet said.

“Obviously not.” Madonna agreed.

They shared a look, then a smile.

“Shopping trip.” Kismet said.

“Oh, and see Elder Shu afterward.” Madonna said. “We might need you full of mana.”

“But... where are we going?” I asked. “I deserve to know that much, at least.”

“There’s a negotiation in a few days, between General Hyun and Lord Zaodong.”

“Lord Zaodong Hwang?” I asked. “Bringing the two of us close is not a good idea.”

“It’s an excellent idea.” Kismet said. “But not in front of the young ones. Come along, we have clothes to buy.”

“And better shoes.” Madonna said.

“And indoor slippers.” Kismet said.

“Tsu Ba, you are in charge while I am gone.” I said.

She nodded.

“Why her? I’m nearly level two!” Yan Di said.

“She has two classes. One plus one is actually two. Besides, she’s older.” I said.

Shopping was... well, boring for me. Madonna and Kismet treated me like a doll, ignored my input entirely, and kept filling me in on details.

The war was going poorly for Lord Zaodong Hwang and his Liberation Army. Big surprise, his Cult of the Octopus allies had betrayed him.

“Tales of slavery and slaughter and all.” Kismet said. “As if worshiping the Kraken weren’t creepy enough. These guys are really trying to establish themselves as the force of evil.”

Madonna tilted her head. “There’s more than one. I don’t like this one, you want to try flowers again?”

“I don’t think I should be wearing flowers.” I said.

“Good thing we’re making those choices, then. Look, husband. Nobody is going to believe you’re just an aide if you dress yourself. And...”

“You have the fashion sense of a young boy.” Kismet said.

Madonna nodded.

“Okay, so I’m ... an aide?” I asked.

“Yes, Ping, you are our body-keeper, trusted to clothe us, clean us, and sleep in our chambers at night to make sure that nobody harms us. This way you can also carry your magic sword without looking suspicious.”

“Magic? I don’t have a magic sword.” I said.

Madonna looked at Kismet.

“I was going to tell him.”

From her inventory, she pulled...

“Is that Heart’s Defender?” I asked.

“Salvaged from the battle where you were captured.” Kismet said. “Draw the blade.”

Madonna leaned over toward me and whispered, “You know you want to.”

The scabbard was leather, and had been imprinted with monitor lizards since I had last held it. “The scabbard is a thing of beauty.” I said. “Thank you.”

Even inside the scabbard, I felt the aura of protection, much diminished. “It has been so many months. The enchantments need a refresh.”

“A good lesson for apprentices.” Madonna said.

“Later.” Kismet said, throwing me a blue and green pond theme robe with white and yellow lilies at artistically random positions.

“How many more of these must I try on?” I asked, putting Heart’s Defender into my inventory.

“Until we find one we like.” Madonna said. “And possibly several after, just to be certain we don’t like another one better.”

What I learned an hour and a half later was they’d already found the two they were going to purchase. One for primary wear, and another in case something happened to the first.

“Seriously, I want to go to a diplomatic event with linens rather than silks.” I said.

“You will wear the silks.” Kismet said, “And will not spill too much food onto them.”

“Oh, I am so waiting for this event.” Madonna said. “I am going to pig out and try so hard to gain Sloth.”

“We both will, but not in public.” Kismet said.

“I have a concern.” I said. “Why are both of you needed at this... event?”

“Not just us.” Madonna said. “Magical protection for the general and his staff.”

“And for their physical security.” Kismet said that. “And...” she raised a hand. “for the nobles who have been exchanging insults with their nobles. Arguing over history, ethics, honor, tradition... even love poetry.”

I shook my head. “This seems like such a bad idea. Are we meeting at their camp, or within the walls?”

“Their camp, an acknowledgment of their current position of strength.” Madonna said. “Thus, the security. And security upon the security.”

“This is still a bad idea.” I said.

“Husband, quit thinking like a dolt. Of course, it’s an opportunity for them to betray us. Tell me you haven’t sold back your fangs and venom sacs.”

“Venom sacs?” Kismet asked. “Why?”

“I should be able to milk myself for the first few doses tomorrow.” I said.

“Good.” Madonna said. “It isn’t the archers alone who will have need of it.”

I blinked. “The. Diplomats. Will Be. Bearing. Poison.” I said.

“As will theirs.” Kismet said. “So much tradition. So... Why are YOU making poison? And why inside yourself?”

I waved a hand. “I’ve evolved protections against the specific venom.” I said.

“Protections?” she asked, “Or immunity?”

“There are so few true immunities in this world.” I said. “But I have done what I can against my childhood fears. Bleeding. Poison. Disease. I have multiple and overlapping defenses. I’m not ready to dive headlong into a bath of infested venom, but I should be okay against normal levels of exposure.”

“Childhood fears?” Kismet said. “Are you even three yet?”

“Earlier this year.” I said.

“Happy birthday.” she said.

“Congratulations on not having died yet.” Madonna said. “Remember, the hell of Wrath. I’ve told others about you, they’ll have a special place for you.”

“You won’t be waiting for him personally?” Kismet asked, “Your own husband?”

“He plans on outliving me.” Madonna said. “And now, we need to discuss your lessons, Ping.”

Kismet did that thing with her eyebrows. “Your manners could use some improvement.”

“Honored noble,” I said, “my manners have improved much over the past months.”

She rubbed her eyes. “Donna? I may need help with this.”

“He may be helpless. No, you keep that look to yourself... Fine. We might as well waste our time with this.”

Kismet looked up at the gatehouse. “After you fill up on mana. You can adjust to carrying it again in two days?”

.....

“Dolt’s been working with mana and faith of all types for weeks now.” Madonna said. Then, to me, “Tell me none of your meridians have collapsed? Your chakra are still open? At least those you’ve unlocked?”

“Why would that have happened?” I asked.

“Because it’s you?” Kismet asked.

“Your mental voice,” Kismet said, “has changed.”

“Husband.” Madonna said. “Still growing. I’d be impressed, if you were growing at a rate comparable with your level of stupidity.”

“Mmm. I prefer him focused on affairs that affect mortals.” Kismet said.

“Honored lady, I did hear what you didn’t say just then.” I said.

“Glad you’re learning.” she replied. “Remember. No drama for the next two days. None.”

“Do what you must, husband. But yes, be ready in two days. Or be dead.” Madonna said.

“I have a sword to empower.” I said.

“No spiders.” Kismet said. “I’m not reassembling you from spiders.”

“That seems fair.” I said.

Elder Shu was niggardly with the faith I needed to make Protection Mana. It took me two hours to purify it, longer to meld it. And then, with eager apprentices, to feed it slowly to a sword that wanted to drink it in all at once.

“It is good to see the blade protected again.” I said. “My techniques are ... hard ... on the weapons I use.”

“I did it!” Yan Di hollered.

“Yes, the weapon looks...”

“No! Second level Earth Adept! I made it. The abilities I can unlock... the sheer POWER. If this is what two hundred experience feels like, I can’t WAIT for my breakthrough.”

“I’m so jealous!” Tsi Ba said. “But so happy! Teacher?”

I slid the sword back into its sheathe. “Get the money. Tonight, we find something. We celebrate.”