Demon's Virtue

783  The Good and the Bad

"... He died of old age?" Eiro asked, looking at Armodeus' solemn expression. The dwarf slowly nodded his head.

"Aye. By then, I had already become an Elder Dwarf, so my lifespan... well, it was incomparably longer to his. I basically stopped aging, while he got older and weaker," Armodeus explained, taking a mouthful of his drink.

Eiro hesitated to continue asking questions. He knew that Armodeus was in pain, and making him live through all of that again might really just make it worse. But Eiro really didn't need to ask, since the dwarf quickly offered it all up anyway.

"I know that it probably sounds weird to ya... the fact that I don't want to return to the town we settled in," he said, letting out a long sigh, "It's foolish, and childish, but... every time I go there, and I walk those roads, I just can't help but think of him. Beo was the love of my life, and no matter where I go and what I do, he's there. I already see 'im in the flames of my forge every day... I... I am a coward, I know that. And stickin' around with you has been making me better... But do ye have any idea what it would be like ta see a town filled with the ghost of the only person that made me feel like I had nothin' to be scared of?"

"It would be painful beyond belief. Remembering the ones you lost is hard for anyone," Eiro said, trying to somehow comfort his friend, but Armodeus head slowly disappeared in his palms.

"It's the worst pain in the world. I keep tryin' to cling onto what I have left of 'im. Trying to remember the contours of his face, the exact color of his eyes. The sound of his voice," Armodeus cried out, "I nearly forgot how he liked his tea a few weeks ago..."

That was a feeling that Eiro couldn't relate to. Within weeks of his birth in this life, he was given an ability that made it literally impossible to forget.

"But do ya know the worst part, Eiro? I actually caught myself being relieved when I didn't think of him for a full day. A full day where I didn't feel my heart get broken all over again."

Eiro widened his eyes just so slightly as he realized what Armodeus meant, "You want to forget Beowulf?"

Immediately, Armodeus jumped up, "I- No, I could never want that! But... I can't live the next few hundred years like this. Forgetting him might be easier, and going back just... It's going to make me feel like the day I lost him again."

Staying silent, Eiro looked up at Armodeus. He had always been quite emotional, but this was something else entirely. Eiro had never seen him like... this. Armodeus was clearly in a lot of pain, and Eiro didn't know exactly what he should say. And then, a few thoughts sprung into his mind.

Eiro had spent a lot of time thinking about basically any possibility for the future, including futures where all the people he cherished died. But when he thought about those times, he was thinking about what he could do to avoid it, and what he would do when that time came. He never actually thought about the emotions he would feel. Eiro knew that, if things went according to everyone's natural lifespan, Eiro would long outlive his children. It was a painful idea. Just thinking of losing them could drive him insane, shattering his heart, if he still had one. And it was going to happen some day, unless Eiro passed beforehand.

Armodeus slowly sat back down, pouring himself another glass of gin while trying to hold back some tears.

"I... live my whole life all at once," Eiro said, looking at the dwarf.

"... What?" Armodeus asked, not sure where Eiro was going.

"I live my whole life at once. Every moment of my life that has passed feels like it happened just a few seconds ago. Of course, consciously I know that it's not the case, but it feels just as clear thinking about the last sentence I spoke as it does thinking about the first. It all feels like my whole life just... happened a few moments ago," he explained, leaning back in his chair, "If someone I loved were to die, I would spend the rest of my life living in the moment exactly after they died."

Armodeus scoffed, "So we're ranking tragedies now?"

Eiro laughed a little awkwardly, shaking his head, "No, I'm sorry, that's not what I meant. I just mean... everything bad that has ever happened to or around me feels like a second ago. And frankly? It kind of sucks. But everything great that has happened to me feels like a second ago too," he pointed out, looking down at the glass in his hand, "When I look back at my life, I see the moments when the kids were... basically tortured in the Devil's experiment. I see the tears on their faces, and the pain in their voice, and the absolute fury that I felt in that moment. But at the exact same time, I remember the first time they all called me 'Dad'. Avalin and Leon's first steps. Their first hugs. Every single time they laughed. Every single time they fell down and hurt themselves, every single time they cried. It's all part of it. And I would never give up a single memory of them, because if I lost one, I might as well have lost it all." n/ô/vel/b//in dot c//om

The dwarf was silent, avoiding eye-contact with Eiro.

"Armodeus, I know that it hurts to remember Beowulf's decline and his death, but I think I know you enough to say that it would hurt you more to forget his life as well."

Slowly, Armodeus looked back at Eiro. The two locked eyes, just staring at each other for a moment, before Armodeus broke. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he started to laugh, "Honestly, lad? You got me there. I just don't know what to do. If it means I won't be in pain every day, then maybe forgetting even the good is worth it..."

"If... that is what you want, then that's your choice," Eiro said, waving his hand around. Using a combination of arcane magic and the 'well of knowledge' magic that he got from Anura, Eiro created a book on the table between the two of them, "If you want, I can take your memories of him away."

Taken aback, Armodeus blinked a few times, "What? What do you mean?"

"I can do it. I haven't done it before, but I'm sure I can. I've been hit with memory magic before, and with the arsenal of spells I have right now, I should be able to do it. If you want, I can let you forget him right now."

The dwarf's eyes lingered on the book, "You... could do that?"

Eiro nodded, "I believe so."

Armodeus wasn't sure what to respond to that. Saying it was one thing, but actually being given the opportunity to? That was a whole other. Though, it only took Armodeus a few moments to let out a loud groan, though.

"Y'know, you're kind of a dick sometimes... Ye know I can't actually do that," Armodeus laughed slightly, and Eiro nodded with a smile, making the book disappear.

"I know. I'm sorry. But being faced with the opportunity helps make you realize your own feelings pretty quickly sometimes," the demon said, looking at his friend, "Go back to the town. Give it a shot. I don't know why Shimour asked you to go back, but... we both know you'll regret not helping out there when you know you could have."

Armodeus grabbed his glass, nodding his head, "Aye, ye're right. Will ya be fine without me for a while?"

"Everyone will miss you, but... you're coming back, right?"

The dwarf nodded without hesitation, "Of course I will. I just don't know how long it will take."

"It doesn't matter," Eiro replied, smiling at him while holding forward his glass, "This is your home. Take as long as you need, and come back when you're ready."

The two clinked their glasses, finishing their drinks. Eiro poured both Armodeus and himself another one, as the two just sat there for a while, talking about the good, and the bad.