Don't be So Proud

Chapter 8.4 — His and Her First Real Kiss (4)

“Shen Xi, what exactly are you being so reserved and polite with me for? It’s just sixty-three yuan in total, and even that you want to pay back to me?” Lin Yu Tang questioned her again, his voice, besides sounding incredulous, somewhat cool and withdrawn. After a moment, he seemed to realize that his tone was not very good, and feeling vexed, he turned his face away, like he was angry at himself. At that same instant, a chilly night wind gusted from the direction of the teaching building, and his checkered-pattern button-up shirt rustled.

Shen Xi bowed her head. She did not want to get into an unpleasant argument with Lin Yu Tang, either. She had known him for more than ten years. What did “more than ten years” mean? Up until now, she had only been alive for twenty years. It could be said that Lin Yu Tang practically occupied all that time, all those days of her life. Since she was a kid, it had been Lin Yu Tang who brought her out to play or tutored her in her homework, and if a boy obstructed her way and would not let her go home, it had been Lin Yu Tang who rushed over and held her hand all the way home.

When Lin Yu Tang was a child, he had been delicate-looking, and people would always say he was a girl. However, in front of her, he had always been a little man and hero.

She even remembered one particular incident. In first grade of primary school, she had been quarreling with a girl in her class. The girl was a little female bully in the class because she had a brother in fifth grade who was especially good at fighting.

Her class had basically consisted of students who were the only child in the family, so having an older brother was a very special thing. First grade students were also both fearful and in awe of fifth-graders. At that time, Tang Tang was only in third grade. She had been very worried and had run to ask Tang Tang what she should do. Tang Tang had told her not to be scared.

“But her big brother is in fifth grade. You won’t be able to beat him in a fight. You’re only in third grade…”

Back then, Tang Tang was not tall. Wearing a red scarf that hung over his chest and an armband with three bars on it, he lifted his chin high and told her, “There’s no problem. Even if he’s in fifth grade, I’m not scared.”

At the time, she had stared at the scarf—so red, so red. This was the reason that later, before she was even qualified to join the Young Pioneers [youth organization of China for those age 6 to 14; members wear a red scarf], she had still already bought a red scarf and worn it.

……

“Shen Xi, are you not using my money because you hate me?” Lin Yu Tang spoke again after being silent for a while. When the word “hate” left his mouth, he discovered that he was actually somewhat unable to bear this possible reality.

Shen Xi walked with her head down. Lin Yu Tang’s successive questioning had made her feel awkward. She was not purposely trying to draw a clear dividing line in their relationship, nor did she hate him. Even if she had once been mad that he lent Ling Chao Xi money, being mad was just being mad. She had been mad because she had viewed him as the one who would be closest to her in the future.

Now, she and Tang Tang might not be able to become each other’s “closest person.” But Tang Tang was still Tang Tang. He was still her best friend and companion in her childhood. Even if he really did like Ling Chao Xi and insisted on being with Ling Chao Xi, after she was done being angry, she would still forgive him.

Time is just too gentle, and hence we can always so easily believe and trust a person.

“Tang Tang, don’t be like this.” Shen Xi spoke softly. “How could I hate you?” She would never hate him. Even if she hated herself, she would still never hate him.

“All right, then. I made a big fuss over a little thing.” Lin Yu Tang breathed out in relief. Extending his arm, he set his hand on her shoulder and voluntarily walked down the steps. Changing the topic abruptly, he asked her, “You’re not in a good mood today?”

“No…” Shen Xi lifted her eyes to look at Lin Yu Tang. She did not know how she could say it out. However, she had never been one who could keep things from people or deceive them, so after some hesitation, she still spoke the thoughts that were on her heart. “Tang Tang, I used to spend your money because I viewed you as my future husband, so I was just enjoying my rights in advance.”

Lin Yu Tang did not speak in this moment. His expression very calm, he waited for her to carry on with what she wanted to say.

Shen Xi took a couple steps. “During this period, I’ve thought about a lot of things. I feel that I’ve been so unreasonable and outrageous and didn’t think through the seriousness of things… Anyway, I feel that my behavior in the past was really wrong, and I need to change it now…”

If she continued letting things develop like this, there was a possibility that when Lin Yu Tang got married, his wife might start a post on a forum and the title would be “Come get the gossip: the oh-so-wonderful (not!) girl my hubby grew up with!!!”

In the end, though, even when she was finished talking, Lin Yu Tang still did not speak.

Shen Xi lowered her head, blinking her eyes. She sensitively detected that the atmosphere was not right. So, immediately reaching over and giving Lin Yu Tang a pat, she grinned and said, “Ha ha. We’ll leave things at that now. I know for sure you get it, right?”

Lin Yu Tang gazed at her. His eyes were like limpid pools, still like water. After some time, he said, “If it is because of the reason you mentioned just now, that is easy to solve.”

Shen Xi’s brain seemed to short circuit, and she let out a “Huh?”

Lin Yu Tang’s one hand was carrying a shopping bag from the supermarket while his other hand was holding his black wallet. He set that wallet straight into Shen Xi’s hand. Then, in a solemn tone, he stated, “This year, you turned twenty, and I am also twenty-two years old. We can go register our marriage.” [Legal age for marriage in China is 20 for women, 22 for men.]

Shen Xi gave another “Huh?” The word “marriage” caused blood to rush to her brain. And then, she completely lost her ability of speech.

He Zhi Zhou was smoking out on the balcony, his slender, graceful fingers entwined with a few wisps of white smoke.

Bored from smoking alone, he unscrupulously invited the two who were inside to join him, but Monkey and Brawny both turned him down and continued instead to painstakingly practice their dancing. The music in the dorm room was deafening, and He Zhi Zhou grew even more irritable from listening to it.

Brawny was dancing away the most cheerfully, asking He Zhi Zhou, who was on the balcony, as he swayed, “Leader, take a look at this move of mine. Is it okay?”

He Zhi Zhou looked up to see Brawny wagging his buttocks in his direction.

Completely uninterested, He Zhi Zhou leaned back against the railing until his mobile phone rang. When he picked up the call, a voice that was sputtering with rage came echoing out. “He Zhi Zhou, have you been going around telling people that I go out and do square dancing?!”

Rubbing his forehead with a grimace, He Zhi Zhou recalled how this had all arisen, and he explained, “Granddad, it was a misunderstanding.”

“What misunderstanding could it be?! President Wang personally called me and asked if my legs are better. He said my grandson has been telling people that, that, that I have become crazy about dancing some ‘gangnam’ dance…”

Gangnam dance… Gangnam Style?

He Zhi Zhou drew in a sharp breath, but he could do nothing but apologize. “I’m sorry. I was just making a joke.”

“Oh, so now you’ve made your grandfather the butt of your jokes! You little scoundrel! I’m going to die out of pure anger!” Elder He truly was furious. After having his tantrum, he threw out an even fiercer threat. “Even if you come see me this week, I won’t forgive you!”

“All right.” He Zhi Zhou hung up the call and strode back into the dorm room. When he stepped inside, Monkey stopped his dancing and asked in passing, “Leader, who were you talking to on the phone just now?”

“My grandfather,” He Zhi Zhou replied.

Monkey immediately beamed and informed him about something. “A few days ago, my dad went to pay a visit to Elder He and asked me what gift he should bring. I suggested that he buy a set of songs for square dancing. He would like it for sure.”

Oh, ha ha. He Zhi Zhou set down his mobile phone, finally understanding now how the rumours had somehow drifted all the way to his grandfather’s ears. He could imagine the look on his grandfather’s face when he received that set of square-dancing music CDs.

Brawny was completely immersed in his dancing. When the music came to an end, he formed his hand into a gun and fired a shot at He Zhi Zhou. “I want nobody, nobody but you!”

Lately, Brawny had not had the clearest of minds. On one hand, he was imagining how, after the Youth Cup performance was done, he would have attracted the attention of a bunch of younger female schoolmates with his amazing dance skills. On the other hand, he genuinely believed, all three thousand of those younger female schoolmates could not compare to his one soft, adorable Leader.

Note: It had to be the soft, adorable Leader.

While He Zhi Zhou was in dorm room 921, all he heard was Brawny and Monkey’s discussion on the upcoming Youth Cup performance. The more he listened, the more he felt something was not quite right. He logged into his chat account and left a message for Shen Xi. The content of the message was very simple:

Explain this whole thing about dancing for the Youth Cup.

Unfortunately, Shen Xi, who was in a downcast mood, had not gone online at all, let alone checked He Zhi Zhou’s message. She had climbed into bed very early to sleep. Dorm room 636 did not have air conditioning, so she had brought her penguin-shaped electric fan onto the bed and faced the fan at her, letting the wind blow over her.

Before long, she sneezed. She remembered again, when they were walking back, how she had told Lin Yu Tang, “But Tang Tang, I don’t want to marry you anymore.”

She said she did not want to marry him. No accusations came from Lin Yu Tang. He only asked her one question: “Then, do you still want me to be your Big Brother Tang Tang?”

She nodded.

Lin Yu Tang took a step forward, then said, “Xi Xi, we are both the only child of our families. In these last dozen and more years, I first treated you and loved you like a little sister, and then I viewed you as a girl whom I liked.

“Just now, my girl told me she didn’t like me anymore, that she did not want to marry me… It would be a lie if I said I was not unhappy.

“But I am glad and thankful that I am still your big brother.

“So, Xi Xi, don’t change our relationship. Keep things just like they were before. I’ve lost my girl already; I don’t want to lose my little sister, too.”

When Lin Yu Tang finished saying this, they happened to have just arrived downstairs of her dormitory building. Shen Xi’s eyes were red. Not wanting Lin Yu Tang to see the tears that were about to spill over, she had hurriedly given him a wave and then ran back into the dormitory.

My little sister.

My girl…

She remembered, that year when she went with Lin Yu Tang and his whole class to watch a movie and he was introducing her to his classmates, he had said “my girl,” not “my little sister”…

Shen Xi turned over in the bed, her eyes stinging with tears. Late in the night, Dou Dou crawled up onto her bed and, sprawling beside her ear, whispered, “Xi Xi, it’s been a long time since we shared our innermost thoughts with each other, hasn’t it?”

For the entire night, she and Dou Dou whispered the little secrets that girls share. In the end, Dou Dou asked her, “So Xi Xi, do you like He Zhi Zhou?”

Shen Xi answered honestly, “A little.” She liked him a little bit. His face, the way he walked, and also the way he smiled and patted her head would unconsciously float into her mind. She would feel smug over the fact that she and He Zhi Zhou shared a secret and would also be sad whenever he was cold to her.

If all of these feelings were not “liking someone,” then she was just deceiving herself.

Right now, she probably was still at the stage where she liked He Zhi Zhou “a little bit,” but soon, “a little bit” would become “a lot,” and then “a lot” would become “deeply.”

Eventually, she would have fallen so deeply in that she would not be able to pull herself out of those feelings anymore. It would be like the water that rushed in with loud whooshing sounds when floodgates were opened, and all of it would be her love and deep attraction to He Zhi Zhou.

So scary.

Shen Xi had not slept the previous night until late, so by the time she woke up naturally the next day, it was already very late. Her program slot in the school anniversary celebration was out the window now, and she did not need to be like Chen Han and practice so hard. She might as well, then, just lie on her bed every day and stretch out her legs.

Still, even though she was in her own little space stretching her own legs, Xia Wei Ye was annoyed with her and, while doing her makeup, taunted, “Oh, gee, how come no one’s brought breakfast over today?”

Shen Xi knew clearly that He Zhi Zhou would not be bringing breakfast over anymore. But, like a thin person who would rather slap her own face swollen to pretend to be stout, she still needed to keep up appearances. Sitting herself up straight and proud on the bed, her legs crossed, she leisurely lifted her left leg upward. After a round of inhaling and exhaling, she at last opened her mouth to retort, “Regardless of whether Big Brother He brings breakfast or not, it’s none of your business, and it’s not yours to eat anyway!”

Xia Wei Ye was in the middle of drawing her brows on, and she was so infuriated by this that her intended, softly-arched, willow-leaf-shaped brow became a furry caterpillar.

Shen Xi set down her left leg and switched over to the right one. Though her talk just now had been showy and superior, inside, she was feeling a little sad. During this last little while, she had brought breakfast to He Zhi Zhou every day, not letting wind or rain stop her, and each time the items had been chosen to provide balanced nutrition. But him? He had never even brought her a plain steamed bun.

Out of the blue, her mobile phone that she had left on the table let out a ring. Slowly, she unlocked the phone and took a glance. A single text message had come in:

Come down and get your breakfast.

The message was from He Zhi Zhou.

Ah! She was just thinking about breakfast and then breakfast arrived!

Sliding her feet into her slippers, Shen Xi was about to dash downstairs, but catching sight of the lettered, short-sleeve shirt and pajama pants that she was wearing, she grew anxious. Then, she took three minutes to change her clothes and another three minutes to wash her face and brush her hair. Finally, as she looked at herself in the mirror, she asked Xia Wei Ye, “Think I look okay dressed like this?”

Xia Wei Ye was taken aback by Shen Xi’s question. “What are you going out to do?”

“He Zhi Zhou brought breakfast. I’m going down to get it!” Beaming like a blooming flower, Shen Xi then grabbed her mobile phone, turned around, and ran downstairs. Xia Wei Ye was left there, her eyes blinking a couple of times. She had never before seen anyone as cheap as Shen Xi!

He Zhi Zhou had brought a bottle of milk, two soup buns, a bag of toast, and some fruit—a big bag packed full that left Shen Xi gaping in astonishment. She was wearing a deep red blouse with a high-waisted, floral-pattern skirt, and with her head bowed, she asked, “Big Brother He, why did you bring so much food here?”

Could it be, he wanted to just bring everything in one go and then never bring her anything again? With an uneasy sense of foreboding, she lifted her head back up.

Letting his eyes meet hers, He Zhi Zhou stated nonchalantly, “Since I don’t know how big your true appetite is, I bought a little bit more so you won’t complain in the future that I don’t even feed your belly full for breakfast.”

How could this guy talk like this?! Shen Xi happily took the breakfast from him, pulled out a soup dumpling, and bit into it.

As he watched her, He Zhi Zhou remembered the agony of lost sleep that he had suffered through last night. He had been waiting the whole time for her to go online, for her to reply.

“Regarding the Youth Cup and all of dorm 921 dancing in it together, would you be able to give an explanation?” In the end, he still opened his mouth first to ask.

Ah, ah, ah, ah…

Feeling guilty that she had been found out, Shen Xi’s head dipped down again. “Well, Brawny wanted to dance, right? But he isn’t able to do a solo one, so…”

He Zhi Zhou did not believe her.

With an “ah,” she gazed anxiously at He Zhi Zhou and decided to be honest to try to get some leniency. “I didn’t do it on purpose…”

He Zhi Zhou had all intentions of grilling her. Tossing a cold glare at her, he declared, “Two ways to solve this: one, Monkey and Brawny go up onto the stage together; two, the performance is cancelled.”

It seemed that He Zhi Zhou was set on not going up on stage. Shen Xi sighed, feeling that this was such a pity. She thought about the Youth Cup fine arts performance program and remembered that, because Tang Tang had said in advance that he would not be participating, the dance she had choreographed was for three boys together. Now that He Zhi Zhou was unwilling to go up, did that mean she could pester Tang Tang to take part instead? As she thought of this, she told He Zhi Zhou in a tone of regret, “If you really don’t want to do it, I’ll go beg Tang Tang and tell him to bail me out in this emergency. When he was in kindergarten, the teachers had always pulled him out to dance anyway.”

He Zhi Zhou: “……”

In the early morning, the sunlight seemed to carry a faint mist with it and painted a thin layer of gold onto her eyes and brows. He Zhi Zhou’s pride helped him stick to his stance for all of fifty-six seconds. Then, with absolutely no expression on his face, he opened his mouth and asked, “How does that dance go?”

Shen Xi: “I’ll teach you!”

Afterward, Shen Xi got the key to the dance practice room from Teacher Wen and gave He Zhi Zhou dance lessons for two evenings in a row. She liked dancing; she also liked He Zhi Zhou. So, for these two evenings, she was like a little teacher, directing He Zhi Zhou in how to do dance moves.

On the first evening, He Zhi Zhou was feeling very intensely negative about the whole thing. Halfway through the dance lesson, he threw a temper tantrum with himself. Finally, like a robot, he remembered all of the moves.

The next evening, He Zhi Zhou practically smoothly and easily completed all the dance moves. People who were gifted in learning always learned things the fastest, irrespective of what they were learning. However, there was one big problem with He Zhi Zhou—he had no expression on his face.

“Could you smile?” Her head tilted to the side, Shen Xi made an expression and tried to get him to copy it. He Zhi Zhou refused. In a serious manner, she explained to him, “Jazz dance is a very outward type of dance. It’s very exuberant and happy. You need to let out these feelings. It’s not like you’re doing a robot dance.”

Let them out? Ha ha. He Zhi Zhou turned away from her, picked up the bottle of water on the ground, and twisted open the lid, all the while ignoring Shen Xi.

With such a disobedient “student,” the “teacher” went off and sulked. Shen Xi huffed over to a corner of the dance room. She did not want to talk to He Zhi Zhou either.

After drinking his water, He Zhi Zhou looked over at Shen Xi and asked, “Want some water?”

Shen Xi did not answer.

He Zhi Zhou continued, “Want to have a late night snack later?”

Shen Xi still did not answer.

He Zhi Zhou felt a slight headache. There was some sort of difference that existed between men and women. Shen Xi was stewing angrily about something, but he still was not even clear on what had happened and how things had been perfectly fine before but now suddenly were not right.

“What’s wrong?” He Zhi Zhou once more opened his mouth and asked.

Shen Xi truly did begin putting up a standoffish front. Here she was, taking time out every day and working so hard to teach He Zhi Zhou how to dance, but she still had to put up with his icy-looking face. The grievance and anger in her heart surged up together. She first bent over and picked up her own bottle of water from the floor, then strode to the very front of the room, grabbed her little handbag that she had set on a chair, and, finally, marched toward the door…

He Zhi Zhou blinked. Seeing Shen Xi execute all these actions in one smooth go, after his mind processed all of it, he immediately strode forward and picked her up so that she was face-to-face with him in his arms. In an action that was just as smooth, he put her up on the ballet barre. “Stop trying to make a fuss…”

AAAAAAH!

Never before had Shen Xi been picked up like she was a little chick by someone. When He Zhi Zhou lifted her into the air, she immediately felt weightless for three seconds, until she was finally landed on that white handrail—and not allowed to move!

“Stop making a fuss…” He Zhi Zhou told her, his eyes containing a resigned look but also a slight, obvious intent of picking on her.

There was a ballet barre, 1.2 metres high, on all sides of the dance room. The barre itself was merely a steel bar and was 40 centimetres away from the floor-length mirror. When her bottom was set on the round bar, even Shen Xi, despite learning and practicing dance since childhood, could not keep her balance and instinctively grasped at He Zhi Zhou’s shoulders.

At the same time, He Zhi Zhou’s hands were also on Shen Xi’s waist, steadying her, but also keeping control on her.

Ha ha! Did he think he was catching a little kitten or puppy?! Shen lifted her head and continued to glare indignantly at He Zhi Zhou. However, He Zhi Zhou’s eyes were exceptionally clear, like water, as he gazed at her. In his dark, tranquil eyes, she saw a woman who, after bristling in anger, urgently needed someone to stroke her fur and soothe her again.

For two seconds, their gazes were locked. Then, for a moment after that, even the air seemed to still.

In the end, it was Shen Xi who lost the battle, turning her head away first.

The suggestive atmosphere instantly evaporated. He Zhi Zhou silently turned his head as well. His face appeared calm and composed and exuded a virtuous, upright feeling, like the refreshing breeze or elegant moon. In his heart, though, there was a voice crying incessantly, “Kiss her, kiss her, kiss her…”

Romance and dating were all a matter of timing. If the atmosphere was good, the same situation could be twice as good without the extra effort. Right now, if he did not kiss her, he would end up letting this good atmosphere slip by… He Zhi Zhou was growing anxious. In his mind, he kept hurrying himself. But still, he showed none of this and simply stood there, unmoving.

The brilliant light emitted by all sixteen grille lamps inside the dance room seemed to shine onto this burning thought that was in his heart and make it crackle. This was his first time in a relationship with a girl, and there were some things that did not come so easily to him, whenever he felt like it.

This time was not like last time. There was no ocean to conceal his thoughts and longings, nor the sound of the tides to drown out the sound of his pounding heart…

“He Zhi Zhou, I want to get down…” Sitting on the bar, Shen Xi shook He Zhi Zhou slightly. The red that had tinted her ears had already completely retreated.

That suggestive atmosphere had also completely dissipated.

He Zhi Zhou’s eyes took this all in. Silently, he admonished himself for letting the opportunity slip by. And then, regretfully, he let go of Shen Xi… let go of Shen Xi… let go of Shen Xi…

He really did let go of her!

Shen Xi’s eyes widened incredulously. She trusted He Zhi Zhou too much, to the point that she had felt that no matter how far he went, he would still never pull such a stunt on her. Consequently, when He Zhi Zhou let go of her, she was completely unprepared and her whole body pitched forward, about to fall down— “Waaaa!”

In panic, she clutched at the person in front of her. Snap! Two buttons on He Zhi Zhou’s shirt ripped off and fell to the floor. Right when she was practically about to hit the floor alongside those buttons, He Zhi Zhou swiftly steadied her and pulled her into his embrace. Amid this moment of panic and chaos, Shen Xi also simultaneously felt as if a rabbit had burrowed into her heart and was incessantly hopping and frisking about inside. First, her heart began beating faster. Then, she clued in that He Zhi Zhou was “taking advantage” of her…

“Islet in the River!” she cried at him, using four words to express her anger as she gasped and pouted.

“I’m here.” This was He Zhi Zhou’s reply. And then, with a fierce look at Shen Xi, he tipped his head down and covered her mouth directly with his. This time, he did not contemplate for even one second.

This time, it was the true, first kiss between him and her…

He Zhi Zhou was kissing her with utmost seriousness. This was a principle that he followed in everything he did. He also was a bit OCD. He was very serious about this, fine, but he also needed Shen Xi to be serious, just like him—so he did not let her push him away, did not let her move about, and did not let her be distracted.

She was allowed only to hold him, respond to him, think about him…

A wind gusted in through the dance room’s large window, lifting up the yellow curtains in large billows. Curling around with the wind inside, the curtains looked like a swaying, golden butterfly that wanted to take flight. Although there were not many stars outside, the moon shone clear, like water.

Over the sea, the moon rises brightly, and we shall share this moment together. [line from the Tang dynasty poem《望月怀远》]

To be consistent with Peanuts, I’ve been avoiding footnotes with this translation, but I just needed to make a little comment about this. A more accurate translation of this line from the poem is, “As the moon rises brightly above the sea, we shall share this moment together, regardless of how far apart we are.” I modified this line slightly in the actual translation because the “distance” part did not seem to fit with the atmosphere.