Hakai Me no Yuuri

Chapter 38: Feeling Alienated

Translator: ShiroiKaze/Soyokaze Translations

When we left town, we renewed our equipment.

First, scale mail, just like mister Jack’s, for my master.

And the same armor for Alec. Also we purchased a great sword for him.

It doesn’t have [Weight Reduction], but with Alec strengthened by the ‘Blood’, he easily handles it with one hand.

And last, I bought a dummy short bow.

It can also be thought of as a child’s practice bow, but it at least has some killing power.

If used along with [Far Sight], it’ll have a fair bit of accuracy, so I should be able to use it in battle.

Since we’re so heavily equipped despite being luggage carriers, the members of Wild Horse were looking at us with curious expressions.

~*~

“Haaa….”

“Miss Yuuri, you’re sighing again.”

“Yeah, it’s just a—it feels like everything’s been solved but it hasn’t really—kinda thing.”

“You and mister Haster made up, didn’t you?”

“We did, but—“

Yeah, when you think about it, things just went back to the way they were.

I’ve become aware of my own feelings, but is it really a good idea to try making those feelings bear fruit…?

By the way, we’re on the the third carriage, the large one carrying the sarcophagus, and it’s just Marle and I here.

Mister Elric is driving the first carriage, Forest Bear is acting as their escort, and my master is with them.

The second carriage is miss Leche and mister Pele’s. Their escorts are Wild Horse and Alec.

This third carriage is my personal responsibility, so there’s no escort with it. As such, it’s carrying Marle and I, who were originally extra baggage.

And, as naturally happens in any world when two girls get together, we’re having some girl talk—well, even though I used to be a man.

“So? And? Did you have a make-up kiss or something like that?”

“That kind of thing is unnecessary between my master and I.”

“Then I guess I’m a step ahead of you!”

“Wha?! I never thought Alec would go that far!”

“I was a sickly girl with an ephemeral ambiance—which worked really well!”

“Marle… you are frighteningly good at this!”

This girl is just getting worse these days.

Although, what I did is something that could only be called a hand job, so… I guess I ended up jumping past her in certain ways.

“But I’m sure mister Haster likes you, Yuuri. Though there’s a big gap in your age.”

“The problem is on my end.”

“Miss Yuuri, do you dislike mister Haster?”

“Not at all! I love him to the point where I could request a second helping!”

If there were two of my master… uhehehe… I’m starting to understand how the heroines in harem games aimed at women feel.

“Miss Yuuri, your face is rotting.”

“What do you mean it’s rotting?!”

“Let’s put that aside… In that case, what’s the problem?”

“Please don’t put that aside. The problem has to do with how my body works.”

“How your body works… is this about gifts?”

“Marle, what are your dreams for the future?”

I also have dreams, but I really think I should ask a “real” girl about her dreams for reference.

“Let’s see. Get married (to Alec)~, have (Alec’s) children~, live in a small house (with Alec)~”

“I can hear what you’re really thinking between what you’re saying, Marle.”

What a sappy, lovey dovey couple!

You were such a pure girl when I first met you. Where did that girl go?!

“In my case, I can’t even give someone a family.”

“Oh really?”

“My body is stuck in ‘this shape’. Basically, I can’t get older. So I’ll never have an ‘adult’s charm’, ever.”

“Is staying young a bad thing?”

“It means I’ll always be a child. And if my body is that of a child’s, then I can’t have children.”

“That’s… a problem.”

Though I do recall hearing about someone giving birth at age 8 on the news in my past life once.

“And even if I get married, I can’t be a nighttime partner. You probably can’t do that either.”

“Th-that’s—! I-I-I-I definitely can’t do that yet!”

I’ve physically experienced it plenty of times, but with the effect of “Sacred Treasure,” it’s as I said before.

It’s only a question of whether I’m the one who dies, or my partner does.

“I’ll always be a child, and though I can love someone, I can’t make love with them, and I can’t have children. Do you think my master would take someone like me?”

“—I’m sure mister Haster would.”

“But, would he be happy that way?”

“… uu.”

My master is going on 60. He probably wants children and grandchildren.

Of course there are homes without children, and people who can’t have children, and I’m sure they can be happy that way.

But to prepare myself to approach and push that on someone who I’m not even going out with… he’ll totally end up thinking that I’m being way too selfish.

“That’s why I’m so dang worried right now—!”

Wishing only for my own happiness, is it really a good idea for me to confess my feelings to my master?

Is there any way through this at all… hm?

“… Come to think of it.”

“What? Did you get a good idea?”

I may not have an ‘adult’s charm,’ but could the charm from “Golden Ratio” serve as a substitute?

In which case, the problem becomes the danger of sexual activity, and whether I can get pregnant or not… As far as gifts that would inhibit pregnancy… “Appraisal,” “Ageless body,” “Immortality,” “Peerless Magic,” and “Revival Growth” are definitely unrelated.

I stick my index finger out and wave it around to guide my thoughts.

“Which leaves “Golden Ratio,” “Adaptability,” and “Sacred Treasure”.”

“Wh-what?”

“And “Sacred Treasure” only gives pleasure, so that’s out too. Which means the problem must be either “Adaptability,” which prevents abnormal status effects and allows me to endure pain, or “Golden Ratio,” which maintains my figure.”

At Lilith I kept “Adaptability” on, so did that prevent the ‘status effect’ known as ‘pregnancy’?

Wait, I disabled it once didn’t I? Then did “Golden Ratio” prevent my body type from changing to that of a pregnant woman?

“I can disable “Adaptability,” so maybe I really can get pregnant?”

“Really? That’s great!”

“Nah, as long as I have “Sacred Treasure” I can’t do the deed, so in the end it doesn’t help.”

“Awww~”

In my past life, there was a method for getting pregnant without any such activity. Something like in vitro fertilization?

Anyway, my ‘blood’ strengthened master could manage to resist my gift if it’s only 30 minutes. It’s a little fast, but it should be… possible, at least. Right?

Be that as it may…

“In the end, if I don’t do something about “Golden Ratio,” then nothing’s going to happen.”

The charm effect from “Golden Ratio” can at least be sealed, so maybe the body maintaining effect can also be sealed.

“Next is the problem of ovulation… wait, why the hell am I so carefully thinking about how to get myself pregnant?!”

“Kyaaa! That’s dirty, miss Yuuri!”

“I don’t even know if my master will take me yet…”

“But you can’t confess until you know if you can have children, right?”

“It’s one of those chicken and egg problems.”

~*~

There are 5 days left until we reach Solkalis. Today is at its end, so actually 4 days.

I tried making dinner tonight.

While practicing my bow, I took down a bird partway through, dressed it, and simmered it with our dried vegetables and fruits to make a stew.

Usually I would go to gather firewood, but when I’m cooking there’s no need for wood.

We have the light stones to see with, so there’s no problems there.

First, I use a [Heat Ball] to warm the pot, and saute the bird meat in it.

I toss some freshly picked herbs in to add flavor, and take away the meaty smell. Once all that is heated through, I add the water, and toss a [Heat Ball] in to bring it to a boil.

Then I add the preserved vegetables, and let it simmer for… hmm? Why is the meat disappearing?

“Agu, agu”

“Yig, no swiping food!”

“Agya!”

I scold Yig, who was sneakily eating some of the meat. With that taken care of, the meal is complete.

“Wow, thanks for the food little miss. Did that winged lizard help too?”

“It’s Yig. Please, call him by his name.”

There are things called winged lizards in this world.

At most they grow to about 1 meter, and they aren’t particularly dangerous, so people don’t usually mind them very much.

Yig is being mistaken as one of those winged lizards.

By the way, I don’t deny that he is one, nor do I confirm that he is, so I’m not lying about it, okay?

“There’s not very much meat in it because Yig was sneaking bites. Be aware that it’s not because I’m being stingy or anything like that.”

“You could have just cut his tail off and added it to the stew!”

“If you cut off Yig’s tail, then I’ll stew your fingers, mister Ayl!”

While threatening mister Ayl, who’s saying disturbing things, I serve the meal.

My master was having an aperitif and joking with miss Bella.

“… Master, here’s your dinner.”

“Ah, thanks Yuuri.”

“Today we’re having Yuu… miss Yuuri’s cooking I see.”

“You don’t need to call me ‘miss’ you know? Since I look like this.”

This sight kind of makes my heart hurt.

An adult appearance that I’ll never obtain. A body that can drink alcohol alongside my master.

The rest of the party members are relaxing wherever they please.

“It sort of… feels like I shouldn’t be here.”

I quickly finished my meal with Yig, then headed to the woods near the road to be by myself for a bit.

~*~

Holding a light stone, I head a ways into the woods and, finding a small clearing, I crouch down and hug my knees.

Yig alights from my head and sits at my side. Is that a worried look on his face?

I lightly pet his head, let out a sigh, and lie down on my side.

The cool dirt feels nice.

“It’s not like anything even really happened…”

“Ukyu?”

Yig bounded onto my chest. While there, he starts licking my cheek.

He must be worried about me.

“I was thinking about all that stuff this afternoon, so I’m just feeling a little down.”

About normal people.

About how abnormal I am.

I felt a “you’re too different”… sort of alienating feeling.

“Maybe… I’m being too fussy, minding something so simple. I never even cared a long time ago.”

Both I and others acknowledged that I’m a sketchy character, and I didn’t mind the gazes of others in the least.

So even when my employed friends ironically called me a NEET, I didn’t mind it a bit.

And yet now I’m worrying back and forth about the actions of one person.

“The ground feels nice and cold, Yig.”

Maybe I’m tired from the long journey? I feel like I’m gonna fall asleep like this.

But that would make them to worry about me, so let’s head back before that happens.

I lied there for a bit, and when I got my feelings back in order, I returned to the merchant caravan.

A late night walk became part of my daily routine after this day.

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Translator’s Snark:

You can cut off A-kun’s fingers, Yuuri. We won’t tell anyone. Protect your cute child/winged lizard!