Monroe

Chapter Two Hundred and Six. Somebody else's problem.

Elania watched as over fifty men and women streamed through the magic portal that Bob had created.

The aforementioned troublemaker shot her a smile and went through the Portal himself after the last member of the security detail had passed through.

She'd suspected that they would need to arrange an expedition to the other universe, but she hadn't planned on it being this afternoon. It appeared that Bob had been eager for any excuse to get out of the summit and had leaped at the chance. The secret service had not appreciated the idea of a trip to another world.

Elania grimaced. She would have to increase her level during the three months of exile, and she could already hear her detail grinding their teeth at the idea of her direct involvement in combat. To be fair, she wasn't exactly looking forward to it either, but as so often was the case in politics, personal animus was often set aside in the name of progress.

"Have you visited this 'Thayland' yet, Madam President?" Prime Minister Turpin's voice was warm and curious.

"No," she shook her head, "I've only recently been briefed, and once it was brought to my attention, I immediately looked to bring it to yours."

"Your sense of urgency and willingness to disclose advantageous information will not be forgotten," President Garcia assured her.

"Are you really planning to evacuate your entire country?" Prime Minister LaFarge asked.

Elania nodded. "It is the position of the United States Government that Robert Whitman absolutely believes that there will be an impending catastrophe," she said, "and while he lacks any evidence to support his claim, everything else he has told us has proven true. Further, the actions he has taken to avert this purported disaster have all been self-sacrificing. He has called on the personal relationships he has forged, driving himself into ruinous debt to ensure that we would have the best chance he could provide."

"The question is, given the magnitude of the apocalypse he is predicting, do we dare ignore his warnings?" Elania asked. "The United States is not going to risk its citizens. One hundred and ten days absent our world is a sacrifice, but the infrastructure can be rebuilt by the living."

"So, we put on a dog and pony show, rely on our citizens having watched too much sci-fi, and chuck them through the magic portal in job lots?" Prime Minister Julwry mused.

"We are open to any suggestions, but that's the best idea we've come up with so far," Elania admitted.

The Portal, which had disappeared after Bob had entered, reappeared and disgorged ten men and women, the heads of their details, followed by Bob.

Bob had already called Mike over the radio before opening the Portal back to Earth, prompting a long-suffering sigh from his friend.

Now he just needed to herd the political cats through the Portal, and he'd be free.

"Alright, everyone satisfied? Great!"

Bob began casting his portal spell again. It was well worth the three hundred mana crystals to get away from this utter waste of time.

He heard the Secretary of Defense tell someone not to bother him while he was casting.

The Portal twisted open, and he happily gestured for everyone to precede him through it, noting that the Secretary of Defense and the President of the United States went first. Well, immediately after her two secret service agents. Once everyone had gone through, he followed suit.

He'd delivered everyone just outside the Adventurers Guild in Glacier Valley, and he could see Mike surrounded by security personnel. Bob dropped a portal at his feet and fell into his inventory, satisfied that things were being handled by the people who had the right skills to do so.

He took two steps forward and collapsed on his bed next to Monroe, who was curled up in a purrball.

"Hey, buddy," Bob murmured as he grabbed the slicker brush from the nightstand and began to run it through Monroe's silky coat. The only complaint he really had about a bigger Monroe was that the shedding was so much worse.

Bob had never been lax in his duties as his Imperial Majesty's most loyal Human-servant, but the amount of brushing required to keep the shedding down to reasonable levels had increased drastically.

Monroe purred his approval of the slicker brush.

"We've done what we could," Bob said, "there isn't really anything I can do that other people can't, now that they're hitting the tier cap."

Monroe's whiskers twitched, which Bob took to mean that the big floofer was in complete agreement.

"The less we're involved from here on out, the better," Bob reassured him, "we're already getting enough unwanted attention, the last thing we need is for a couple of billion people to be out for vengeance because they lost their loved ones."

He was not at all convinced of the unlikeliness of that scenario. When things went wrong, mankind's first instinct was to look for something or someone to blame. Being the public face of the apocalypse was just begging to be the target of every single person who suffered during the event. People were shot over watches and other jewelry. Hell, family members stabbed each other over the holiday turkey, for fuck's sake.

Bob was going to take a pass at being any more visible than he already was, thank you very much.

"I really do have other things to do," Bob confided. "I'm making progress toward casting the Arcane Depths ritual without the System, but I'm nowhere near done, and I also need to push to tier seven."

He continued brushing Monroe, stopping to clean the slicker brush several times as it reached maximum fluff capacity. After an hour of relaxation, he cleaned the brush one last time before placing it on the nightstand. He rolled his shoulders and dropped through a portal, intent on reaching the Hidden Dungeon in time for dinner.

"With that jolly jumbuck that you've got in your tucker bag, you'll come a waltzing Matilda with me," Jessica grinned as her group belted out their unofficial national anthem for a crowd of fascinated Thaylanders.

They'd all reached level sixteen today, and they were celebrating. Blue had even summoned out a guitar after a few beers and was doing his best Slim Dusty impersonation, and of course, they'd all started singing along. 'A Pub with no beer' had proven to be a quick favorite.

Two of the Endless were singing along to Waltzing Matilda, having heard it before at the I Marine encampment, which had prompted a few of the Harbordeep locals to sing along with the chorus.

She skipped the chorus to drain another beer. They did beer pretty damn well on Thayland. "You'll never take me alive, said he," she resumed the song.

Danny had argued that they ought to Portal back home as soon as they had the spell, but she'd been shouted down by the rest of the group, who'd all called for a drink and a good night's sleep before they headed back home.

They'd eaten steaks and fresh fish, and then they'd had a few beers. And a few more. Then the guitar came out. Now Jessica was happy to admit she hadn't been this drunk in a while.

"And his ghost may be heard, as you pass by that billabong," she knew that she was offkey, but she didn't care. It was Waltzing Matilda, best sung by a thousand Australians before a footie match.

Blue wrapped up the last chorus and dismissed his guitar, to the obvious disappointment of the locals. Three of them walked up to him with grins on their faces and paper in their hands, asking him to make sure they had the lyrics right.

"I'm going to regret drinking this much tomorrow," she confided in Danny, "but it's nice to really relax for the night, even if I end up a bit crook."

"I think we're all going to be a bit off tomorrow morning," Shiela agreed happily.

Jessica was glad to see her friend finally getting back to normal. She'd had a proper fright, and Jessica had been a little worried that she might not snap all the way back.

"So, do we have a plan for tomorrow?" Jake asked, draining his mug and whipping the foam off his upper lip.

"Well, I know I need to let my landlord know I won't be renewing my lease," Jessica replied, "pack up my stuff, thank you, little bag of holding," she grinned. "I reckon we ought to meet up in the next day, maybe the day after, give us a chance to get our mum's and dad's onboard."

"Remember, we can't just use magic willy-nilly," Blue cautioned, "no recharge back home, and it's two hundred crystals for a round trip, so let's not get too crazy with the casting. Show off the bags of holding, throw a couple of mana around, sure, but try and take it easy."

Jessica nodded. "Let's plan to check-in at noon and six tomorrow afternoon, then at noon and six again the following day, just to make sure we're all on the same page."

"And to make sure no one black bags one of us," Danny added cheerfully.

Jakob watched as the Australians stumbled off to bed. His return to the Adventurers Guild in Harbordeep had been a quiet one. They'd pooled together the crystals to rent a room down by the docks, where they set up the spatially expanded tents. It would have been only marginally more expensive to have rented a room at the Adventurers Guild, but with three of them having worked there not too long ago, they'd decided it was best to avoid staying there.

That plan had worked out fairly well, right up until the Australians decided to throw an impromptu party, celebrating their ability to travel back to their home. He'd worked at the Adventurers Guild for years, but it was rare to see a group of people put away that much beer and still be able to stagger to their rooms afterward. Their enthusiasm had been infectious as they'd bounded out of the Dungeon, and his group had been caught up along in it.

His wife squeezed his hand, pulling him out of his thoughts.

They were doing a bit of celebrating themselves, as they'd just reached level ten as a group. It had been almost too easy, especially when compared to his experience the first time around. With four Elemental Conjurers and an Eldritch Guard, Zoey's Endless Swarm summons were almost an afterthought. They were fighting five floors below their level, and it was easier than he remembered the push to twenty-five. Sally would act as their beacon with her Eldritch Shield, with Zoey using her summon to keep any unexpected monsters occupied. Jakob, Luci, Marc, and Anni would then obliterate the monster in a single volley of grotesquely over-leveled Blast spells.

He could easily see them reaching level twenty-five before the next wave. Truthfully, if they had the gear they needed, they could do it in just a few months, but there was a pretty significant lead time on having gear crafted. No one was complaining, though. Marc and Anni were ecstatic to be off the laborer path, and Sally was quite pleased to have skipped another year of waitressing. If they had to wait a while to have their equipment crafted, so be it. While Jakob, Luci, and Zoey had been relatively comfortable, they hadn't been sleeping on piles of crystals. The other three hadn't even been comfortable, often surviving hand to mouth as it were, so gathering up a pile of crystals sounded just fine.

"Honey, you're drifting off again," Luci scolded him playfully.

"He's plotting our next delve, I can tell from the look in his eyes," Marc grinned and pushed another mug over to him.

"I was just thinking that we're so much better off than we were before," Jakob admitted. "Even with rules five and six looming over us."

"And the unnumbered rule of 'Always Be Killing!'" Zoey grinned as she shook her head. "Who knew that scruffy guy with his gorgeous cat would have changed everything for us?"

"Luci and I were full-blown Adventurers," Jakov said thoughtfully as he picked up his mug. "But despite having reached our cap, I can say with complete honesty that I'm a much better Adventurer now, because of Bob's rules, than I was before."

"The Affinity Crystal and the path help a bit," Sally smiled.

Out of everyone, she was the one Jakob had thought changed the most. She was not only happier but more open and confident.

"I'd say we owe the man a beer, but he doesn't drink," Marc drained his own mug. "Maybe we ought to pitch in and get Monroe a nice heated cat bed."

"Jakob, I thought I heard you!"

He stiffened for a moment as he heard a voice call across the tavern.

After a second, recognition clicked, as he recognized the voice as Frank, the head of the kitchen on the servant's side.

"How have you been?" Frank asked as he strode over to their table, wiping his hands on a towel that he tossed over his shoulder, a wide smile on his face.

"I haven't seen you in months, and even then, you rarely brought Luci into the tavern," Frank winked at her, "no doubt afraid that she'd be so taken with my rugged good looks and manly physique that she'd leave you on the spot."

Jakob stood up and clasped Frank's shoulders. "We've been doing awfully damn well, and it's good to see you again."

Frank was almost as wide as he was tall, with two chins and the possibility of a third. He was a bit of a tyrant in the kitchen, but he did wonders with the limited budget the Guild's Bursar made available to him.

"I'd thought the lot of you would be over at the tavern proper by now," Kevin said.

Jakob motioned for him to take a seat with the group.

"The truth of the matter is," Jakob spoke quietly as he leaned towards Frank, "we reincarnated together and took advantage of the new paths and crystals."

Frank's eyes widened, and he glanced around quickly. "Best to keep that in the Dungeon, old friend," he replied, "I had a look at one of those pamphlets before the Guild Leader confiscated them. Dhoakes is not happy about those things, or I suppose I should say the people who pull his strings aren't happy, and they're directing him to spread their misery around."

Jakob grimaced and nodded. "That's why you haven't seen us around, even though we're delving the Dungeon every day," he shook his head, "folks outside the guild are excited about the opportunities, but I've heard a few stories about someone who got a little too mouthy about the changes, and was beaten for their troubles."

Frank nodded his agreement. "Luckily, those Au-stray-lians were quite the spectacle," he heaved himself up from the table, "best to settle into a delve while you've got a slot," he said, "I'll take care of your tab." He strode back towards the kitchen, roaring for one of the servers as he neared the doors.

"Best to follow his advice," Zoey murmured, "he's always had his finger on the pulse of this place."

Jakob nodded as the group did their best to exit the tavern discreetly.