Raised in Dungeon

Chapter 283 Their Hope and Purpose

"The hatred still hasn't dissipated."

It was after the pandemic problem in Barkaley slowly began to recover. Seeking solace, I confided in Bishop Nicholas, laying bare the weight of the burden I carried.

"I am a murderer," I confessed, haunted by the ghosts of those whose lives I had taken. "I tried to help them find acceptance, to make them understand about me and accept my forgiveness, but a sudden weariness overcame me."

Their hateful gaze bore into me, fierce and unyielding, as if I alone bore the blame for the tragedy. As If I am the only one who wrong here. Even though they were the ones who decided to join the raid dungeon, even though they were the ones who tried to attack Mom, but it seemed like the guilt wasn't in them, and I was the one to blame.

Why did I do this?

Why do I have to save them?

I often don't care much about apologies and gratitude. Still, time and time again, the feeling of anger always arises when I see those ungrateful people!

It was then that I realized this hatred was abnormal. So, I sought counsel from Father Nicholas, hoping for insight. His response was:

"I can't answer all your questions, the church and my archbishop forbade me to do that," he admitted, "But I know someone who might be able to help

Head to Oxwade Academy and seek out my teacher, Eliphas. Perhaps he can provide a solution to your problem. But his character is a little unique, so perhaps you can't just talk to that person."

At that moment, I knew and realized what Bishop Nicholas meant.

That person looked at me like a book.

He knew everything, and he was even aware, extending to the suspicions nesting within me, particularly regarding the demonic mana entwined with my very being.

Demonic mana I have.

It is said that monsters hate humans because of the war that happened 1000 years ago. But what if the monsters' aversion to humans went beyond historical grievances? What if mana orchestrated it, an intrinsic force guiding their animosity? And what if the demonic mana within me served as the insidious seed of my own disdain for humanity?

And this demonic mana inside me might be the seed of the hatred I have for humans. This malevolent energy was not a passive observer but an active catalyst, amplifying my emotional storm of hatred. It wasn't confined to mere thoughts or intentions; it manifested as a sinister trigger, nurturing and fanning the flames of hatred.

If it was the old me, I might have succumbed to the darkness, yielding to the impulse to extinguish those I despised. But now that I've changed, I can control my hatred. I can restrain it.

Yet, the awareness of this demonic presence instilled a profound fear. The encounter with the Daemon Servus heightened my trepidation. I sensed that this evil force lurking within me held the potential to wrest control of my body, turning it against those dearest to me.

...

"I see," Felicia said after hearing Allen's story. "So, your objective at the academy is to ascend to the highest echelons, earning the privilege to seek Eliphas for something."

Allen nodded. He was reluctant to tell it because it seemed like he was using Felicia to get into Oxwade. In fact, he also wanted to witness the promise Felicia had made to him.

Felicia stood up, walked past Allen to the river fence, and looked at the river with Allen.

"You are my knight. Your path in life was set to be loyal to me once you agreed to accept the Boldenville family knife. I have the right to make you quit the academy," Felicia said. Her eyes looked at the river sadly.

"I know," Allen replied, knowing those words Felicia would say if she told him everything. Felicia disliked being used the most because of her relationship with her father.

"But I won't do it. There's no way I could do it," Felicia replied. "You're not only my knight but also my friend. I will not break my friend's dreams and goals."

Felicia turned to Allen, who had been gloomy but now smiled at him.

"Thank you for telling me everything. Once I knew you weren't just following me, my shoulders got slightly lighter. By listening to your problems like this, I became more energized."

"Why is that?"

"Hmm? I thought you were telling me because you knew it."

"No, I told you because I felt it was necessary. I promised earlier that I would tell you everything."

When he parted with Felicia in the academy's great hall, Allen had to tell her everything because he saw Felicia's sad face. He felt that he had betrayed her by having his own way alone.

Felicia reflected, "Well... seeing that you were always so gloomy in the past, I always thought that you didn't have a goal or path in life. Seeing that you're now also eager to achieve your goals makes me remember my reasons for entering the academy."

"Not because of your father?" Allen inquired.

"There's no way I would do something for that man."

'So it means for Waldo,' thought Allen w, suddenly feeling sad, remembering that Felicia would try her best for someone who is no longer alive.

But that wasn't it. "I want to be a scholar," Felicia announced, breaking Allen's expectations.

Her aspirations continued, "You know, while I'm studying various subjects to be perfect, it seems like I'm enjoying myself, especially when studying amnis. I want to delve deeper, improve my skills, and then show Mr. Waldo that I'm no ordinary woman. I will achieve great feats and earn myself a noble title."

In that moment, Felicia's dreamy eyes became one of Allen's favorites. Perhaps it was the river's influence, making her eyes sparkle and the wind tousling her thick hair, revealing Felicia's smile and dream drawn on her face.

She already had a goal

That was a sign of progress

a step toward what Rachel had desired for Felicia. "I don't want Lady Felicia to continue depending her life on Lord Waldo. I want her to have her own life choices and dream of what she will become. Once that happens, please support her with all yours, Allen."

This was the moment.

"That's great, when you learn amnis, you're always excited," Allen said.

Although she still hadn't forgotten about Waldo

"You're a go-getter, so I'm sure you can do it."

But at least she's starting to take steps toward the future she wants.

"I'll support you every step of the way," Allen affirmed with a smile, gently holding Felicia's hand that rested against the river railing.