Reincarnated as a Phoenix

Chapter Epilogue – Christmas Special Part 1

The faint sound of chimes jingle in the wind, slowly awaking me from my slumber in what can only be described as a relaxing way of waking up.

In additional to this, the second I rub the sleep out of my eyes, a preying predator lies practically on top of me.

“Heh, morning Ikarus. Guess what day it is?”

“*Yawnnn*… you seem surprisingly happy today, Petra. Didn’t think you’d be the type to celebrate holidays”

The fabled day where we celebrate the death of our lord and saviour… or whatever reason it gets celebrated now. We’ve been trying to get the Christmas spirit around the settlement for the last few years and people are finally getting the feel for it. Sure… the mandatory day off seems to help as well.

Wandering mind aside, Petra quickly takes up my full attention by passionately locking lips with an outstanding unexpected kiss. Good to know my tastes still haven’t changed.

“Heh, think you say that every year, Ikarus, I’m not really. Brooks likes it though. Love you to the moon and back?”

“Love y-you too… don’t think I can c-compete with that”

“Heh, that’s a shame. Was hoping you’d love me as far to the sun”

“D-Don’t you start, this will end up being an a-argument on who loves each other more!”

You know how it goes; I say I love her as much as the distance between this world and then sun, then it spirals out of control when Petra inevitable wins by bringing up the furthest known thing in the universe or something. I’ve just woken up, damn it! We can have lovely dovey arguments later on.

L-Learned a long time ago, wifey, I can never compete with you. Say… you think we’ve got time for a q-quicky?”

Kissing again, I regret my words instantly when our bedroom door slams open before we get the chance. Oh well, we both knew having a kid would slow down our sex life.

“Merry Christmas, mummies! It’s time to get up!”

And of course, the cause of the door breaking open is a wild child barging in. In the course of several seconds, he’s pulled the curtains open and has managed to fling himself onto our bed, landing on the both of us and getting in the middle. This is one thing they never tell you about having a kid, they can be an aching pain practically everywhere! This little shit doesn’t realize how much he weighs nowadays.

“Damn it boy, you’ve broken that poxy lock again! Huh… guess it’s snowing this year”

“Heh, good morning, Brooks. Couldn’t you have been more patient?”

“Morning, mummies! I’ve been waiting hours already, it’s nearly midday! I’m not waiting around for you two to make me another sibling as well!”

I can’t help but shake my head at our know-it-all kid, I still don’t know how he understands how kids are made but fuck it, we’ve got things to do. Let’s get Christmas started…

__________

“Why does mummy number one hate me so much!? This is child abuse and you know it!”

“Heh, I put those clothes on your bed as a joke, Brooks. You have an entire wardrobe full, yet you put that on yourself”

“Look on the bright side, boy, at least Petra has made you cute. Mine causes emotional abuse”

“Heh, you didn’t have to put that on either, Ikarus”

“T-That does it, m-mummy number two is getting soot for Christmas! I’m throwing away your real gift”

‘Hehe, he really is my boy. He pulls the exact same face I do when pouting at the wife’

If it isn’t obvious yet, Petra likes picking out clothes for the both of us and even though we may sulk, it makes her giggle so why not go along with it? We did find Brooks crossdressing of his own accord after all. I’ve been used to her unique tastes for years.

Anyways, into our heavily decorated living room, Brooks charges on in only for his excitement to quickly end in disappointment when he sees the tree.

“Wait… did both of you forget to put out the presents this year? If we’re broke… that’s okay but kinda sad”

Looking towards the fake tree above the fireplace, Brooks helped decorate this year, don’t ask, he has a good point. Ignoring the fact he’s being a know-it-all again, there isn’t a single present in the room.

“*Sighhh*… how many times is it now, kid? We keep telling you, Santa delivers the damn presents!”

“Heh, don’t think you should be focusing on that, Ikarus. This place is empty”

Getting as close as I can to the wife, I’ll have to whisper this because little ears never stop listening.

“Wait, wasn’t this your job, Petra? I’d do the wrapping and handle the rest? You forget?”

“I didn’t forget, Ikarus. My memory isn’t that bad, someone’s moved everything”

It takes me a brief moment to realize why both Petra and Brooks look so concerned. Now, I’m freaking pissed!

“We’ve actually been burgled! What sadistic fuck thinks robbing the two queens on fucking Christmas is a good idea!?”

“Heh… language Ikarus”

“Nope, mummy number two is right! What evil shithead did this!?”

…

The urge to laugh from Brook’s foul language is less overwhelming than it usually is, mainly because a dragon like temper now flows within me.

“Calm down, both of you, there has to be more to this. I’m not sure a common thief would leave an envelope”

Noticing the coffee table, both me and my boy rip open what Petra points to, quickly revealing what appears to be a single letter on the page.

“The letter K? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Not sure, Ikarus. Maybe it could be related to your mother? Who else has a name starting with K around here?”

“That’s what grandma’s name is, Kell-something. Let’s go find her and she might know…”

__________

Following the lead, our family get dressed up into fluffy winter coats and thick waterproof boots, then hastily make our way through the snow-covered town. The place is as eery and quiet as a graveyard, obviously our citizens spending time with family so the only people working would be guards and healers. Think they get labelled as essential workers or something.

Except, when we arrive at the place the dragon fam are staying, it appears the noise around here is louder than you’d expect. The entire family being outside already shows something must be up.

(Minos) “I swear on father’s spectral hide, I will make whoever is responsible for this pay with blood!”

‘Damn, bruh is scary when he’s angry… hehe. I forgot Petra picked Christmas clothes for the entire family’

(Kellearzar) “Minos, calm it. You’ll turn into Dermakvar with that temper”

(Minos) “Fuck father, this shit is serious, mother! Someone dared to try and steal from us like this!?”

(Mute) “…!”

(Nyx) “I sense a disturbance, only a devilish presence would do such a fiendish thing on such a holiday”

---Kell obviously isn’t big enough but the image looked nice.

---

Originally, the plan this year was to open presents, spend some time relaxing and then meet the fam for dinner. Obviously that plan has flown right out the window with everyone else being concerned or as angry as us.

“Oi you lot! We’re over here!”

As soon as they notice our boy calling, we reunite as a family with Nyx immediately returning to Petra’s side and hugging her daughter. Of course, this causes another mother’s brow to rise…

“Ikarus?”

“*Sighhh*…fine! This is my good deed for the year!”

“Yay!”

Allowing mother to do something I’m normally dead against, she practically smothers me with breast as I’m forced to endure this situation. Gigantic breasts, especially on your own mother really makes you abandon love for these things.

“Heh, guess you lot got robbed as well?”

(Minos) “Yeah, all our gifts disappeared. We’ve only come outside because we were hoping you two might know why”

“…!”

(Kellearzar) “Someone left a note behind, saying you might have a clue, Ikarus?”

(Nyx) “It also contained the letter D. None of us are sure on what that means”

‘Heh… bet it was a big D as-, focus, damn it!’

As soon as I’m about to ask why on Earth I’d have a clue, guess which wife give me an answer? I’m not sure if she’d be considered more or less annoying than the regular one.

[Aesa would like to inform Ikarus that someone slipped her a note yesterday. Before she asks, no. Aesa is not helping Ikarus cheat during this game]

‘This is a game to you!? Ah, don’t answer that, let’s just get this charade over and done with…’

“…Bruh, you can calm it for now, whoever stole our presents is playing a game. We should hopefully get them back sooner rather than later. Still might give them a phoenix kick for messing with us”

I have to say this because Minos’s aura is still raging, I’d want to join him but know uncontrolled anger never leads anywhere good. To be honest, his actual expression doesn’t look that angry, think that dress like coat of his mellows him out. Heh, just Petra having a taste for dudes in skirts, pay it no mind.

Eventually taking the clue out of storage and huddling up to show everyone… I quickly realize I’m going to hate every second of this.

(What is Spring but not a season, the waters run hot but not for reason)

‘Riddles… the bane of my existence. This one seems easy, right?’

The odd thing is, me and Petra seem to be the only two who understands the meaning behind this one. It doesn’t make complete sense but all riddles are dumb.

“Heh, want me to tell everyone, Ikarus, or need another minute to think?”

“Hey! That was uncalled for and you know it! Just because I despise these sorts of things does not mean I can’t figure them out!”

Even though Petra clearly meant it as a joke and is even smiling, don’t be mean to me like that! We’ll end up like Zeki and Ria if toxicity starts to leak out…

“Moving on… for you lot that don’t know, think of a place in town that is hot and has the word spring in it. This riddle is really stupid…”

__________

(Ikarus) “Huh… didn’t expect this place to be open today”

(Petra) “Heh, don’t think it is, Ikarus. No one seems to be working”

(Kellearzar) “The entrance is open though. Shall we take a peep?”

(Brooks) “Yeah! This place is so much better than using our stinky bath!”

(Nyx) “All be cautious for we don’t know who’s inside”

(Minos) “We going in or not? Those responsible need to pay!”

(Mute) “…!”

And so, we arrive at the popular hot springs right in the middle of town and find the small building housing all the lockers and separating the two springs empty. Considering the front door is wide open but no one appears to be here, looks like we’ll need to investigate.

Heading on inside with me and Petra at the helm, we slowly creep further and find the curtain leading to the male section wide open. Peeking through the steam, we can see three people bathing, all of which are no harm to us.

“What do you know… guess corruption is the reason this place is open. Why am I not surprised?”

“Erm… hey Ikarus. This isn’t what it looks like!”

“I-If it isn’t the t-two queens! This w-was definitely my day o-off, right? W-We’re just here as f-friends!”

Ahead of us, two people were relaxing in the calming springs, now just filled with embarrassment from a sight we weren’t meant to see. Have any idea who the culprits are yet? I’ll give you some hints… one is heavily into politics, the other I constantly refer to as being busty and elven.

It’s Marcus and Eve! Clearly there is nothing going on at all, just a couple of friends bathing together. Obvious lack of subtlety aside, I can see the appeal, cold snowflakes falling while being wrapped in a warm bath. This could be a fun experience any other time.

“Heh, we’d love to pry into your private lives but that’s not the reason we’re here. Do you two know anything about the letter K and D?”

Both surprisingly seem aware of what Petra asks, obviously these two can’t be responsible for entering our homes and stealing presents, right? Corruption or not, our maid and politician don’t have a death wish.

(Marcus) “Guess that note was for you two then, it’s a good thing we didn’t throw it away”

(Eve) “Tehe, we just thought it was an edgy poem left on the front door. It’s by the towels if you want to read it”

Heading towards the towels, another clue is to be found. On one side of the paper, a gigantic R is written down. On the other, it reads…

(Hotter than Summer, sweat dripping from their eyes. The faint sound of rumbling, another worker dies)

‘I’m starting to think I get my stupidity from the family… feel like I should know this’

Again, all the family except Petra seem to look confused. I’m only partially including Nyx and Mute; I can never tell what Mute is thinking and Nyx hasn’t been around enough to know everything about our settlement. Her Underworld commitments and duties to Chaos keep her active most of the year.

“Petra, what place famously has workers that dies-… oh! I’ve got it!”

There is only one place I can think of on our settlement that is extremely hot and workers have a tendency of ending up dead. Hey, we try to act the part of benevolent leaders, we can’t account for basic human stupidity. That place in particular seems to attract people who want to cut corners in the name of profit.

‘I feel like these riddles aren’t entirely correct… we’ve only had a few mining related death this year…’

__________

(Brooks) “Why is it my mummies haven’t shown me this yet!? This place is massive!”

(Petra) “Heh, careful Brooks. A rock might fall on you if you’re not”

(Ikarus) “Some ore falling onto his head might knock some sen-, ouch. I deserved that”

(Nyx) “Hmm… that’s odd. This place has the faint odour of giant residue”

(Kellearzar) “Ikarus and Petra did one fight a giant here, Nyx. That’s probably it”

(Mute) “…!”

(Minos) “I know, Mute. Gold isn’t as fun when there’s no shine to it”

Heading down into our mines while rightfully getting pinched on the backside by Petra, we go straight into the grand gold-filled chamber and find this place is different than usual. There’s less mining equipment around like shovels and pickaxes for example, but the place is still a flurry of activity with all the miners appearing to be on break, drinking and laughing with each other.

“Jaxon… I thought we told you no working people to death”

With gritted teeth, I ask our scrawny mine master that. Mining is not an essential job so if he’s gotten them working on a holiday, he must know this isn’t allowed. Just because Jaxon is as skinny and brittle as ever doesn’t mean we’ll cut him any slack!

‘Hmm… I think prison time is too harsh, maybe a fine and a day in the stocks will be adequate? Don’t do they crime if you can’t do the time!’

We’ve even got Garry the gnome and his wife down here as well as that bald blacksmith who was really grumpy to me and Petra. Even stumpy, the miner who lost his leg in an accident! It’s good to see that prosthetic limb working well.

(Jaxon) “Relax, Queen Ikarus, it is a day off. Most of the workers don’t have families so we arrange a feast. Moving the carts filled with ore out of the way doesn’t count as working… does it?”

(Garry) “Aye lass, the way we do it is similar to how my kin back at home celebrate. Meat and mead with the smell of ore makes life worth celebrating”

(Grumpy blacksmith) “Hmph… the smell makes me queasy, you lot obviously don’t care about my dwindling health that much”

(Stumpy) “Ack, lighten up, ya old fart! I’ll give ya bashing with ma leg if ya keep moaning!”

Looking around, it takes me a moment to see what Jaxon is referring to. Barrels of mead, barrels of turkey, barrels of vegetables, barrels of everything! They normally store ore in these so I guess it makes sense… I really hope they disinfected those barrels first. Would definitely give the fest a real mineral or metallic taste.

“What brings you into the bowels of the earth anyways? Please don’t tell me another demonic portal has opened”

(Ikarus) “Nah, things are safe for now, Jaxon, that happened years ago. Someone played a trick on us and we’re trying to find notes they’ve scattered about. You seen any notes around here?”

“Look to one of those pillars, someone stuck a piece of paper on one of them. Honestly thought one of the miners had found a lover or something…”

While I’m heading over to one of the many indescribably pillars that were once used to power up the giant we killed, Petra makes small talk I can’t help but eavesdrop on.

“Heh, anything to report on, or are things still running smoothly?”

“No ma’am, everything is good. We’ve had no tunnels collapse this year and every fatality has been down to human incompetence again. The last one in particular took a pickaxe to the skull”

‘Damn… the hell happened to him?’

(Stumpy) “Ya, I still miss that twit… and chuckle every day. That idiot thought he could catch it with his mouth! Good times…”

“*Facepalm*… this is what I’m working with, Queen Petra. Give me strength…”

Putting aside that obviously stupid death, a little bit of mining lore could go a long way.

A long time ago, we split the mines in two so that the upper portions would be for workers, the lower would be for prisoners. You’d think those damned angels would get over their demon hatred by now but nope, clearly we haven’t worked them hard enough yet.

This is the closest we’re getting to legal slavery, folks, throw those who oppose us down the mines and destroy the key! It’s a fair trade, ore for food and water. They’d still get fed regardless but we’ve got to appear somewhat nasty at times. It’s funny really because we get no fatalities down there compared to up here, miners aren’t exactly the academic type.

To the next note stuck to one of the pillars, it appears to be the same as the last. Another letter is scribbled on the back with a small riddle on the front. The letter is M and the riddle reads…

(A sin for magic, the Winter cries. As high as can be, reaching out to the skies)

‘Okay, let’s give this one a think. It has to be a location; magic is a clue… and something really tall. Good, another obvious one.

I’ve already figured it out, obviously the wife has as well… damn. Even our little know it all knows where this one is pointing.

“I know what this is! It’s that tower where crazy auntie Penelope keeps her pets inside!”

“Heh, we call them mages, Brooks”

“To be fair, Petra, he could be talking about her rock collection. Didn’t she replace the library with a petting enclosure?”

Ah, just Miss Genderbender having an unhealthy obsession with pet rocks and controlling her army of mages. To be fair, Brooks is right either way, she does treat those mages of hers like lab rats. Last year, she even turned the interior into a labyrinth for Halloween because she was getting pissed off with how lazy they’ve gotten. I’m sure the reward for completing it was cheese as well…

‘So, the letters we have are K, D, R and E. Let’s see where this goes…’