The Butcher of Gadobhra

Chapter 449: The Start of a Wild Ride

Most creatures, including most of their fae cousins, misunderstood gremlins. While they looked something like tall, thin goblins with dark hair, large ears, and huge eyes, they were not related. Many people made the mistake and assumed they were. This amused the gremlins and annoyed the goblins.

And, despite their love of top hats, long black coats, and shiny black shoes, gremlins were not an offshoot of the gnomish family tree. Saying so out loud was the fastest way known to trigger an accusation of slander and an accompanying lawsuit.

While no one wanted to claim them as relations, they were still in high demand as carriage drivers. The head of each gremlin household was the owner of a fine black carriage constructed of the most expensive materials their family could afford. They provided the height of comfort and made travel enjoyable over long distances for those who could afford their fees. The team of four dark horses could negotiate the smallest of goat paths and muddiest of roads, their skilled drivers taking the shortest path between two points and yet providing a comforting ride to those inside. And as long as the gremlin was delivering a paying customer, they prided themselves on their respectable manner. No one ever complained, and their service was exemplary.

However, once their carriage was empty, they underwent a strange change. With a crack of the whip, they raced away, careening around curves and hitting every rock and pothole in the road as they cackled and howled at the moon. If they could find another carriage without a fare, they would race for days, never stopping and leaving a trail of destroyed flower gardens and broken gates in their wake. 'Lacking the fare, but taking a ride.' was a gnomish saying that implied a person was insane and seeking their death.

When a gremlin carriage drove through the gates of Gadobhra and parked in the large central courtyard, there was no doubt that the two gnomes who were helped from the carriage by their polite driver could afford the fare. Both were dressed as gnomish bankers, and both tipped their driver excessively, having enjoyed the journey. The driver politely unloaded their baggage, wished them good health, and tipped his hat to each of them. Then departed at high speed after careening through all parts of the broken city at least once, scattering the fire-breathing geese, running over several ghouls, and stealing a long string of sausage from the Pit.

Purposefully ignoring anything concerning the carriage after it delivered them, the two gnomes picked up their carpet bags and made their way to an unused lot adjacent to the courtyard and next to a new building, just recently built. The younger of the two, Pescennius Coppertwist, known to his few close friends as Percy, pulled out a copper stopwatch, permitting himself a small smile. "This seems like an ideal spot."

His companion, a much older and stouter gnome who hadn't missed the dinner bell even once in his life, disagreed. "I can't help but think that the spot at the other end would be better. Notice the two fine buildings to either side. One is clearly a drinking establishment where a keen ear might overhear conversations that could lead to new business, and the other is some sort of pawnshop where customers needing to lighten their load of unwanted goods would frequent. Both would be good for business."

Banker Pescennius sighed at yet another example of his Uncle's unwanted advice. There was usually a reason for that advice, but not a reason that Pescennius approved of. "You mean good for your business of delving into every pawnshop, junk dealer, and purveyor of used magic items, along with your love of stout ale several times a day."

Uncle Constantine 'Conman' Grundlestock nodded his head in agreement. "Just so, and I'm happy you understand the situation so well. After all, I am here in only an advisory capacity and will be drawing only 1/4 wages. I will need to supplement my income by buying, selling, and trading in the traditional manner."

Banker Pescennius ignored his Uncle and twisted the stem on his watch, enjoying as his bank unfolded in the formerly empty lot. Then with a twist of a copper key, he opened the door and walked into his bank. Uncle Constantine followed not one to fret over a few extra steps between himself and a cold beer. He went behind the counter where he eyed the large desk and comfortable chair nearest the counter before sighing and pulling out the unpadded chair in front of the much smaller desk in the back of the small front office.

Almost immediately, the front door opened, heralded by the chime of the small copper bell hanging from it. The two people entering were also gnomes, who greeted the two bankers like they were close relatives, which, of course, they were. They bowed low and Tiberius spoke with a broad smile on his face, "Greetings, Banker Pescennius, may I have the pleasure of formally introducing my wife, Helga Coppertwist. Helga, this handsome banker before you is my 2nd maternal course, Pescennius Coppertwist, the newest Banker in our family and proprietor of the Royal Gnomish Bank of Gadobhra. The distinguished gentleman is our Uncle Constantine from the Grudlestock branch of the family, known for their sound advice and interesting business strategies."

Perscennius greeted them with delight, even going as far as barely blushing when Helga pecked him on the cheek and Tiberius shook his hand. She was more formal with her new 'Uncle', choosing instead to shake his hand firmly.

"I am so happy to make the acquaintance of your lovely wife and so sad that I was not in Cinderstein to celebrate your wedding. It was finals week at the University and the campus was locked tight for that month."

Tiberius laughed, remembering his own years of study, "Oh, I remember that well. Armed battalions at each gate and squads escorting us from exam to exam all through the day. An exciting time, to be sure. You should tell us your best exam stories over dinner tonight. We'll expect the two of you promptly at 7:00 p.m. and bring your appetites."

That got both bachelors' attention. A home-cooked gnomish meal was always a treat. "We will certainly be there, and thank you so much."

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Helga opened her purse and took out two small bags of coins. "But before I begin cooking, I have some business to do. My husband and I wish to open accounts with your bank and make deposits."

"Certainly, certainly. It is my pleasure to welcome you to the Royal Gnomish Bank of Gadobhra. May I offer you either an automatic toast-maker or perhaps you would enjoy a commemorative mug?" The new customers debated but ultimately decided on the commemorative mugs that they could display on their mantle above the upstairs hearth.

When they had departed, Pescennius allowed himself to enjoy the feeling of being officially open. "This is so grand! I never thought I would have my own bank so quickly!"

Uncle Constantine stood and put his hands behind his back as he assumed the time-honored traditional pose of a gnomish Uncle as he prepared to dispense advice. "Enjoy this day, nephew, but understand the harsh reality of this situation. We are here in this twisted and ruined hellhole of a city for political reasons. The Powers-That-Be have determined that this Baron's request must be appeased to keep the local customers happy. Customers who have made substantial deposits. It's not going to be as easy for us."

"For me, you mean, Uncle."

"Yes, yes. For you. But I'll be working right beside you to build up your bank, that's what I'm here for, after all. And as I've said, it won't be easy. We've set up accounts for all of our relatives in the area, and now we'll have to fight tooth and nail for new customers. Despite your close relation to your cousin, he does have a Gold Bank, and that is stiff competition. Customers aren't going to simply appear out of nowhere and toss gold at us."

The door opened again, widely, and a human walked to the counter with a line of other humans behind him. Going to the front counter he rang the bell, put his hands behind his back, and began whistling as he looked around the bank, paying close attention to the bars on the window and noting with sadness the magical protections woven into the building.

Banker Pescennius bowed and smiled, "Welcome to the Royal Bank of Gadobhra. How may I help you, sir?"

The human proffered his hand and shook vigorously, "Is it true that these banks are impregnable, totally safe, and no one can steal your gold?"

"That is the absolute truth sir, would you like to open an account?"

McTeeth smiled, showing his pearly whites. "I would indeed. This is so much closer to where I do most of my work. And take it from me, this place is thick with thieves, cut-throats, and highwaymen. Most of which are here with me today and would also like to open accounts." He handed over his business card. "I'm the local Guildmaster for the Thieves Guild. Please contact me if you have any problems. I plan on putting a lot of gold in this place for safekeeping."He produced several small pouches of coins, three magical swords, a cursed bardic lute, four pairs of enchanted footwear, and a coil of gold wire normally used in engineering projects.

The two bankers happily got to work cataloging the goods and setting up Guildmaster McTeeth's account. The rest of the guild followed his example. Uncle Constantine was enjoying himself, telling jokes and asking questions about the local area. An hour later, each thief, highwayman, or cut-throat left knowing that his gold was secure, and carrying their commemorative mug.n/ô/vel/b//jn dot c//om

Banker Pescennius turned to his Uncle. "You were saying?"

"Oh, yes, I was just about to comment on the unique opportunities that a fixer-upper like this city might present."

The door opened again and two more people walked in, dressed in finery bearing the crest of the Baron of Gadobhra, which Pescennius recognized immediately. Billy nodded at them.

"You got that right. Loads of potential in this city, and even more now that your fine bank has opened. Happy to have you here. The Baroness and I have come to open accounts and invite you to dinner tomorrow night. Shall we say 8:00 p.m.? We have a lot to discuss."

"Certainly, we are at your service, Your Excellency, and I must convey my happiness at being here and having a chance to serve your needs."

The Baroness smiled at him, making his heart skip a beat, "And my dear William and I do have a lot of needs. The first of which is this small invoice drawn upon the main bank in the capital of the Empire." She pushed forward a long invoice for wagons, barrels of food, beer, and potions, five catapults, services of his Contract Workers, and several dozen other items. The long row of digits made Pescennius very happy."

"I'll get right on this, Your Excellency. The money will be in your account by tomorrow morning."

Billy smiled at that, "Good to hear it. There's always a use for more gold. Which we'll speak about over dinner. Gadobhra is booming and I'm going to need to link all our local businesses to the bank and new teleportation stone. It's been a long time coming and I want to make up for lost time." The nobles shook hands all around and took their leave.

Uncle Constantine was quite impressed, "I like the local Baron's work ethic. He was barely able to keep still, he was so excited."

Banker Pescennius agreed, "Good people. They have exactly the right attitude. I look forward to doing much business with them."

More would have been said, but an adventuring party of players, back from their first foray into the depths of the Red Cathedral had spotted the bank and come to investigate. They were only the first, and business stayed busy throughout the day as news of the commemorative mugs spread. By the time they closed for the day and began a quick walk to Sedgewick, both bankers had worked up a healthy appetite and were anxious to discuss things with Tiberius and Helga. Any small bit of jealousy that Percy might have had over Tiberius gaining a Gold Bank was gone, replaced by gratitude for the opportunity he'd been given.

Even the annoyance of having to put up with Uncle Constantine was tempered by the old gnome's offer to go around to the denizens of the city and pass out flyers about the new bank and what it had to offer, starting, of course, with the local pubs and taverns.