Chapter 123: The Death of the Virgin: Unloved
Chapter 123
Chen Xue and Zhang exchanged a glance. Where could Mu Mian be? Surely she wouldn't be childish enough to hide in a closet like Yuanyuan and the others? Then they realized their thinking was limited - Mu Mian very well could be in there.
After Zhang and the others left, only Fang Rui remained in the room.
He walked to the closet and noticed a bread bag on the floor. He smiled, realizing Mu Mian probably hadn't gone hungry.
Fang Rui knocked on the closet door. No response.
He knocked again.
"Fang Rui, you're knocking on the wrong one. It's the closet on this side," Mu Mian said softly. "That one's full of files, I couldn't fit. My legs were going numb so I switched sides."
Fang Rui opened the closet to find Mu Mian curled up inside, clutching a small pink bag - a gift from Jiang Yun that she had thrown away in front of her sister, but later secretly retrieved from the garbage downstairs after much searching when her sister wasn't looking.
Feeling the harsh light, Mu Mian turned away from Fang Rui.
Beside her were piles of small bread loaves and a bottle of water, as if she planned to live in the closet long-term.
"Fang Rui, I don't want to come out yet. I'm thinking things through," Mu Mian said.
"You don't have to come out. But Mu Mian, can you make some room for me to squeeze in and keep you company?"
Mu Mian turned back, her eyes red-rimmed. She looked at Fang Rui in surprise, but he was already trying to get into the closet. Mu Mian shifted over and nodded, "Okay."
Fang Rui was too tall and broad to fit easily. He struggled for a while but couldn't get in.
"Mu Mian, what should I do? I can't fit," Fang Rui said sheepishly.
Mu Mian found Fang Rui's current state rather amusing - such a big guy desperately trying to squeeze into the closet, his head in but legs still out. The narrow closet simply couldn't accommodate him.
"Fang Rui, you don't need to come in." Mu Mian shifted from inside the closet to its edge.
Fang Rui sat on the floor, leaning against the closet. "I'll have to keep you company from out here then."
"Fang Rui, I feel so guilty. I shouldn't be sad about Miss Jiang's death. At my parents' funeral, I didn't cry. I even snuck behind the tombstone and ate some of the offerings. I was so hungry. My Eldest Aunt caught me and said I was a cold-blooded monster. I didn't understand - she had wanted my father dead to take his inheritance, yet she cried so bitterly at his death. Meanwhile, I didn't shed a single tear."
Mu Mian recalled her first experience with a loved one's death. "I told her everyone dies eventually, it's no big deal. She would die someday too; it's an unchangeable law of nature. She glared at me and ran away screaming. Everyone else looked at me strangely. That day, I realized I wasn't normal."
Jiang Yun's death had awakened Mu Mian's memories of that funeral. Her past memories were usually black, static, and colorless, but now they became more vivid, with color and movement. She even remembered her Eldest Aunt's twitching facial muscles and unpleasant body odor.
"Fang Rui, should I have acted more upset at the funeral?" Mu Mian asked guiltily. "My parents were much kinder to me than Miss Jiang, but I wasn't sad for them. Now I'm grieving for Miss Jiang's death."
"You must have been sad then too, you just didn't know how to express or understand your emotions," Fang Rui consoled her. "If you weren't sad, why would you have hidden in a closet?"
"Fang Rui, I prefer how I used to be. Even when I was sad then, my heart didn't hurt. I could just hide in a closet, and my brain could control my emotions. But now I'm overwhelmed by this immense sorrow. I feel like I'm suffocating." Mu Mian felt panicked, not understanding what was happening to her. Logic told her she didn't like Miss Jiang, yet she was devastated by her death to the point of losing control.
Her logic and emotions were misaligned.
Mu Mian handed Fang Rui a photo. It showed a young Jiang Yun holding a baby, smiling with a loving gaze at the infant.
"Because of that photo, I thought she loved me a little. I made up so many excuses to explain why she abandoned me, even though all her actions were so illogical. I still had hope. I thought she must have had her reasons, but today I realized I can't fool myself anymore."
Tears streamed from Mu Mian's eyes. "She really didn't love me. It wasn't that she disliked autistic children - she just disliked Mu Mian. Even so, I still don't want her to be dead."
Fang Rui held Mu Mian tightly.
"Fang Rui, why didn't she like me?" Mu Mian choked out.
"Some mothers just don't love their children. But it's not your fault, and it doesn't mean you're not good enough."
"Mm, I'm a genius. Many people love me. It doesn't matter if she's not one of them," Mu Mian said lightly.
Shen Xiyin arrived after receiving Chen Xue's call. Standing outside the door, she watched Fang Rui embracing Mu Mian and suddenly realized that Mu Mian might have developed the ability to feel and express emotions like a typical person.
Everything changed when she started looking for her mother. Perhaps from that moment, Mu Mian had already begun to change. Her self-awareness had qualitatively developed, and she became curious about her origins, leading her to search for her mother.
Later, through a series of events, Mu Mian learned to lie and became curious about love. Today, she finally experienced a substantial emotional response to death.
Mu Mian was gradually becoming more like a typical person.
This was good!
"Sister, don't misunderstand. This is just a normal comforting gesture," Zhang quickly explained.
"Zhang, you're calling her 'sister' too!" Chen Xue nudged Zhang, then promoted Fang Rui to Shen Xiyin, "Sister Xiyin, are you satisfied with Captain Fang as a brother-in-law? He's a great person and takes good care of Mian Mian... Most importantly, Mian Mian really likes him."
"I can see that." Mu Mian was starting to not need her anymore. Shen Xiyin felt both gratified and a little sad.
"So you support them being together?"
"I support all of Little Mian's choices." That's why even knowing Mu Mian would certainly be disappointed after finding Jiang Yun, she still didn't stop her.
With Fang Rui's comfort, Mu Mian quickly composed herself.
"Chen Xue, I'm sorry. I heard you calling me, but I was thinking things through and couldn't respond."
Zhang muttered quietly, "But you responded to the boss, and he didn't even say anything, just knocked on the closet."
"..."
"It's okay, I was mainly worried something had happened to you. Next time, let me know in advance."
"Chen Xue, what could happen to me? I'm very cautious and won't easily have accidents."
"..." Zhang remembered the photo with the big X drawn on it. The accidents Mu Mian could have were far from ordinary!
Learning that Shen Xiyin was skilled in art therapy, Zhang figured since she was already here, they should ask her to analyze Lin Qianyan's paintings to see if there were any clues.
Zhang handed Lin Qianyan's paintings to Shen Xiyin. "Dr. Shen, can you see if there's anything wrong with these paintings? We all felt very uncomfortable after looking at them."
Shen Xiyin flipped through the large stack of paintings, her brow furrowing deeper as she examined them. She said, "If the artist of these paintings isn't suffering from schizophrenia, then he's very likely to have antisocial personality disorder."