To Bewitch a Devil

262 You have to tell him

“Do you want to talk about it?” Penelope asked carefully.

Neera shook her head. “No, don’t get me wrong. I wish I could, but it won’t be fair on Zavian.”

“The King? Is he involved?”

“Pen, please...,”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry it out of you,” Penelope said. “But you have to tell him since it is causing you so much pain.”

Neera nodded and brought her hands out of the water to wipe her face, making it even wetter.

“But what if... what if it ruins everything, Pen?” Neera asked. “What if... I lose Zavian? What if he never wants to have anything to do with me? What if he stops loving me?”

“Neera,” Penelope sank to her knees, so she was at eye level with her best friend. She saw the fresh tears begin to brew in them, and Penelope found what she wanted to say had already been soaked in shock and forgotten temporarily. Whatever it was that held Neera hostage was robbing her of reasoning and joy.

And it made Penelope sad, so sad that she hadn’t noticed her friend’s moods enough. But as she looked into Neera’s eyes, Penelope saw the familiar grief Neera had carried for days, weeks even, but she had been too oblivious to notice, had only been too happy to have her best friend back.

.....

“He would never stop loving you, no matter what,” Penelope said.

A tear fell from Neera’s eyes. “How are you sure?”

“Because love doesn’t just stop happening like that,” Penelope said. “It doesn’t end when you do something bad, and even if you conceive it as really terrible, or if it is, it might take some time for him to process it, but it doesn’t mean he will stop loving you even if he is angry, or upset.”

Neera wiped her face. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Penelope said. “I am.”

“He just, he has done so much for me,” Neera said. “So much. Even when I was in that wicked phase, he stood by me. And I... I am afraid he might have a breaking point and... Pen, are you crying?”

Penelope reached for her face; truly, the sneaky tear had stained her face. She wiped at it, and another fell.

“Pen, why are you crying?” Neera wailed.

“I don’t know, maybe it’s you talking about breaking points and the King standing by you, but I just...,” Penelope slumped against the tub and let out a cry. “I’m sorry, I need to get a grip on myself. Please don’t cry more, Neera,” but Neera wasn’t listening. “Please, don’t cry.”

“Pen, don’t cry,” Neera said, reaching out to wipe Pen’s face.

“And you too, stop,” Penelope did the same to Neera’s face.

Soon, Neera’s cry transitioned into laughter, and Penelope couldn’t help but join her. Look at them, two friends who couldn’t decide what to feel.

“We look ridiculous right now,” Neera said.

“No, I do, I shouldn’t have cried.” Penelope rose to resume her former position on the tub. She took a washcloth and began sponging Neera’s back.

“Why are you crying, Pen?” Neera asked.

Penelope didn’t stop sponging but was grateful she wasn’t looking into Neera’s face anymore to trigger fresh tears.

“I wanted to have something that was never mine to keep.” She answered. “So I made efforts to keep it at arm’s length, but it kept finding its way to me. So when it finally gave up and left, it made me sad, and I find it foolish to be sad about something I didn’t want.”

There was silence, and Penelope worked on, taking the liquid soap and pouring a big dollop on the center of Neera’s hair. As Penelope gently massaged it into her scalp, the strong smell of roses filling the room, she could feel Neera relax.

“It’s not foolish to be sad, Pen,” Neera said. “It’s foolish if you aren’t, and you’d hurt double. So stop holding back the tears, and maybe wanting what you think is never yours to keep is actually yours to have. It was you all along who had put those restrictions in place, and it’s you who can remove it.”

Penelope blinked back the tears clouding her vision. “Thank you, Neera, for listening to me.”

Neera put a hand on Penelope’s thigh, and silence reigned as Penelope continued washing her hair.

“I know I couldn’t be of help to you, but you have to tell the King,” Penelope broke the silence. “If you don’t say it, it will rot inside of you.”

Neera sighed. If only Penelope knew how much the rot of her deeds had spread through her.

Penelope reached for a bowl of water, and as she washed the soap out of Neera’s hair, Neera shut her eyes closed, the water running down her face.

Even if Zavian stopped loving her, which was the worst thing she had feared. But deep inside her, Neera knew some phantom clock had wound to a stop, and it was time.

As Penelope washed the last of the soap off her hair, Neera opened her eyes, and for the first time in a long while, she was as relieved as she was scared.

....

Zavian could hear the footsteps falter behind him, only for them to resume walking. He gazed at a picture of his castle hung on the wall, and from its angle, it must have been painted from one of the hills and valleys bracketing the castle from the west, not too far from his castle.

The footsteps stopped by his side. “I see the painting has caught your interest, your Highness.”

“And I see the castle is still holding your interest.”

Frederick stiffened next to him. “The castle is all in our best interest, your Highness. And I wasn’t expecting you in my humble abode today. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit, your Highness?”

Zavian tore his eyes away from the painting, and he looked at Frederick, the small smile on his lips worn always at the same angle, a little up in the corner, and giving him the perpetual look of someone up to no good.