To Live Again, For the First Time!

"I have also had similar bouts in the past, but they have always been few and far between," Mason sighed as he confessed.

"However, they were somewhat different from what you have described. What you described is similar to an obsessive need to seeking the perfect scene and then capture it, which is a good thing. This will push the limits of your potential… that would be, in normal circumstances," Mason seemed very troubled.

"The problem is, right now, for your situation where you have neither the skills nor ability to accomplish such a task regularly, this obsessive need will only lead to destruction. It's similar to an addiction where you aren't able to find release. If you can't find a way to control your desire before you find a way to increase your chances of getting what you want, you'll never be able to improve," Mason explained his own thoughts on the matter.

Emilin nodded and agreed as she too believed that this wasn't very helpful to her.

As of now, she could pretty much only rely on the right timing, some luck, a whole lot of inspiration, and the basics that she had just learned.

Such waiting filled with stressful thoughts would likely be harmful to her mental health.

Even so, to apply what she had learned, she still needed the calmness to be able to control her own body to do what she wanted, when she wanted it.

"You're in quite the precarious situation."

To put it crudely, Emilin was akin to one who was addicted to cigarettes but didn't have the skills to earn the money necessary to buy them.

At the same time, because of the withdrawal symptoms and the obsessive need for more nicotine, she was unable to concentrate on learning the skills needed to made money to get the cigarettes.

Of course, such an analogy was a little skewed in perspective as not all addictions were necessarily detrimental to one's health, affecting a person in other ways.

It was just as he had said.

She was in a precarious situation.

"I have also had such a feeling of obsession, but it is unlike your own as it happens in moderation. I don't mean that the feeling is more moderate, but rather that the occasions I feel such an impulse and itch are not frequent," Mason frowned.

It wasn't as if he felt it every time he picked up the camera nor every time he was doing a photoshoot, or he would never be able to become a successful photographer.

Mason thought back to the first time he had felt something similar.

"I only feel it when some of the conditions were already met and by then I didn't have to face the problems you now have…" Mason hesitated.

"It was easy to realize when it first started since the feeling was so piercing and unusual. For me, it only happened when I had long learned the basics and became a professional, and rather than scenery, what prompted such a reaction from me was a person…" Mason reminisced.

"Her eyes were so piercing and her aura, it was as if I could feel it if I looked at her from a mile away," Mason's eyes held a bit of infatuation, but if you asked him, it was not infatuation for that person as a woman, but rather that person for their aura.

An infatuation for that point in time.

Hearing Mason's words, Emilin was reminded of the photo she had seen back when she was first in his office, but she didn't ask to confirm her thoughts since Mason was still talking.

"And that wasn't the only time, there have been a handful of people, and every time, my hand would itch for my camera when I looked at them. At first, it was intense. It wouldn't stop until I got the job done, but later, I started gaining the ability to control it, limiting it to a twitch and a small itch with my hands getting a little hotter. After all, it would be quite harsh if I couldn't even control my hands as a professional photographer," Mason explained.

"The difference between you and me is that while this is more of a bother to you, ever since the first time I had this feeling, I used it as a radar for my next project, my next big hit," Mason's eyes shone.

He had no reservations in pointing these things out as he saw no point in beating around the bush on this point.

After all, it wasn't always going to remain this way for Emilin.

As for himself, every time he had a small itch in his hands, he would see through to it that the perfect shot was taken and since it was restrained unlike Emilin's, Mason wouldn't let it affect the rest of his life a great deal.

"This started very late in my career, and I have yet to hear from my friends of this industry who are just as passionate as I am, have early signs of such obsession," Mason explained why he had not thought that what Emilin was talking about was this when she first mentioned it.

He also had no trouble calling this what it was as it was quite literally obsessive.

Now that he thought about it though, it probably wasn't that it was impossible or that Emilin was the first case, but rather the circumstances that led Emilin to the situation she was in right now were just too improbable.

Who wouldn't have given up on photography ages ago if they were in her shoes?

And who would be able to take such a gobsmacking photo before even learning the basics?

And to top it all off, who would have the right genes to be compatible with this form of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) that didn't quite come naturally?

Mason didn't have OCD in his day-to-day life as shown through his great dependence on his assistant Lisa.

But in special circumstances during photography when his inspiration was at its peak, his OCD was especially intense, so much so that he would even get tics and a short fuse which he would at times convey through words

Mason was especially thankful that Emilin hadn't reached that point.

Mason smiled weakly.

"You'll have to temper yourself a little so that you can control your impulses before you can forge your impulses into a tool that will be of help to you in the future! You can't be expecting your luck to save you every time, right?" Mason argued.

Though luck and chance could do a lot of things to help one create shortcuts, it could not prevent you from treading the path to get to your destination.

Emilin nodded.

Her hands had already cooled off a bit and the itching subsided, but this whole time, there were absolutely no physical signs of these things.

How could she not tell that this was a phenomenon in her mind? 

After all, most things were.

It didn't mean much though since she couldn't and didn't want to control it through means other than the ones that normal people used.

Sure, she could just hypnotize herself into stopping these bodily reactions, but as Mason said, if she tempered herself rather than taking the shortcut, wouldn't she be left with quite the useful tool?

Emilin felt more reassured knowing that it was possible.

That one could control their reactions through pure mental tempering and resilience without using other means.

Since Mason could do it why couldn't she?

"Thank you, teacher. I'll work hard to temper myself and become a photographer you can be proud to claim as your student in the future," Emilin said in a chilling, yet determined voice that brought a strange degree of warmth to one's heart.

Emilin knew it was probably a little early to say so but it didn't matter too much since she was not only making that promise to her teacher but also to herself.

Mason also felt like it was nice when his efforts and favors were recognized and the other party showed their determination to reciprocate the kindness.

It was fulfilling and it made him appreciate this student even more.

After all, he didn't have to do or share any of this, and what he had said today could also be considered a trade secret that couldn't be spread to the public.

Mason nodded with a wry smile.

He could tell that no matter what, as a photographer, Emilin would probably have a hard road ahead of her.

He wouldn't blame her if she were to give up in the future, but with nearly a month of interactions, while considering Emilin as his apprentice, it was still inevitable that he hoped she could persevere.

"Then work hard," Mason encouraged his little student.

"Try and steady yourself so that we can first make sure you can take normal photos before we move on to anything harder," Mason felt like the world was quite unfair as this young girl who was so passionate about photography seemed to have less talent than a 10-year-old passer-by who had never even held a camera other than the one on their phones, but since that was the case, didn't it just mean that he just had to work a little harder to teach her?

Mason steeled his will in the name of balancing and maintaining fairness in this world!

Isn't that nice of him?

Though it would still have to be seen if he were to ever regret having such a thought about fairness in this world when he found out the truth of what the world had bestowed on this determined little student of his.

…

AN: Ehehehehe, what? Fairness? What's that? Eh, no, I've never heard of it in my entire life!

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AN:ClicktoReadAuthor'sNotesforAuthor'sthoughts!