Why Did I Become the Villainess?

 "Lady Lauretré?" I heard someone called me outside. I frown. What does Princess Paislee doing in here? Should she suppose to guard Prince Fraser? But why is she here?

 "Lady Lauretré, Prince Fraser instructs me to stand outside your door to guard you. He told me that you don't want to see anyone other than Leander. So, he tasked me to make sure that no one will enter your room without your consent." 

 He what? Prince Fraser asked Princess Paislee, his future lover, to guard the villain of their relationship? This doesn't make sense. 

 "Lady Lauretré, I know you care about your appearance and don't want to let other people see you in your current state. However, I think you should consider Prince Fraser's feelings. He was just worried about you, and he just wants to stay beside you. If you're worried about his reaction to your countenance, I'm sure Prince Fraser wouldn't care about that. So, I ho-"

 I sigh and walk towards the door and open it a little. Just enough to hear what I want to say. 

 "Sir Farren. Why do you always concern yourself about us? What will you have with doing all of these?"

 I don't understand why she's doing this. Doing it once is understandable but doing it twice is quite questionable already. Princess Paislee isn't the romantic type of person, and as much as possible, she avoids any situation relating to relationships. Especially this kind of complicated relationship. So, I don't understand why she seems so concerned. It's as if she really wants Prince Fraser and I to end up together. 

 Is it just pure concern about Prince Fraser? 

 Princess Paislee remained on her spot and didn't face me. She probably remembers that I don't want anyone to see my current state.

 "I don't understand what you want to imply, but I'm only doing my job Lady Lauretré. I am a Knight of the Vrawyth Kingdom, and I pledge my allegiance to the current and the future rulers of the Kingdom, which makes me loyal to your highness, Prince Fraser. And anything related to Prince Fraser and Prince Fraser's future bride concerns me. If my words, offended you Lady Lauretré, please forgive this Sir knight for stepping out of line. Lad-"

 I immediately cut her off. "I have a name, Sir Farren. I am not just the future bride of Prince Fraser. Please, remember that I have my own name and identity too."

 It really irks me when someone calls me the future bride of Prince Fraser or the future Queen of the Vrawyth Kingdom. I feel suffocated. I feel like I'm starting to lose my own identity now. Although Csille Lauretré isn't really who am I but having live as Csille for a long time now, I quite consider myself as part of Csille too.

 It's also weird to hear her talk about me being the future bride of Prince Fraser, where in fact, she is the true future bride of Prince Fraser. 

 "I'm sorry, Lady Lauretré. I remember that."

 I sigh. Even if I talk to her for hours, I know she wouldn't tell me her real reason why she's pushing Prince Fraser to me. The two of us have our own identities we want to keep with ourselves, and I cannot ask her about it, or else she would be suspicious. 

 But I wonder what her reason could be. Is it because of the engagement? Is it because he notices my previous interaction with Prince Fraser? Why Paislee? Why are you pushing Prince Fraser to me?

 "Lady Lauretré, can I ask you a question?"

 I lean on the wall beside the slightly open door. "What do you want to ask?"

 "Why are you avoiding Prince Fraser? I'm sorry if I'm being nosy again. You could choose not to answer it. I have just been thinking about this since the day you return."

 My eyes immediately widen. She knows! She knows I am avoiding Prince Fraser. But why is she still pushing Prince Fraser to me if she already knows I'm avoiding the Crown Prince?

 I take a deep silent breath. Trying to calm my anxious heart. Whatever Princess Paislee's reason, I don't mind. All I know is I need these two, Princess Paislee and Prince Fraser, to end up together.

 "What are you talking about, Sir Farren? I am not avoiding his highness, Prince Fraser. I don't know why you are saying it. Does it look like that?"

 "Lady Lauretré, I don't know what happened inside that mysterious alley, but I just want you to know that Prince Fraser waited for almost whole day after you enter that alley. He didn't sleep because he was afraid you wouldn't see him waiting for you. You should see how worried he is while waiting for your return."

 Princess Paislee, why are you doing this? Why do you sound like you're matchmaking Prince Fraser and me together? Why? I don't understand why you are doing this? You suppose to not care about this nonsense. But why?

 I scoff. "Sir Farren. I don't know why you are saying these to me, but if you only want to talk about Prince Fraser, please save it. I'm not interested to hear it."

 I don't know why but the young Princess Paislee seems different than the Princess Paislee I am talking about right now. Is it because she grew up now? 

 "Why? Why don't you want to talk about this? Is it because you hate him? Is it because you don't like him?"

 "Sir Farren, please be careful with your words. What if some people hear what you just said? Please stop saying false words. I don't hate Prince Fraser. Why would I even hate him? We're childhood friends. So, please stop with this nonsense, or you could just go back to Prince Fraser. I think it would be better if he's the one you're guiding and not me."

 I heard her sigh. "If you don't hate him, why won't you let him inside? He's been worried sick about you. But what did you do? You just pushed him away." He snapped at me. 

 I look at the slightly open door. "I have my own reason."

 "So, it's okay to hurt him for your own reason?" 

 I sigh. "Sir Farren, do I always need to consider everyone's feelings? Yes, I may sound selfish right now, but what about me? What about what I want? Do I always need to set it aside, to make everyone happy? How about my happiness? Just because I am born in a noble family, do I really need to put everyone as my first priority? But what about me? I already lost my own identity. Now I will also lose my own happiness?"

 "What do you mean you lost your own identity Lady Lauretré? You're still the daughter of the Count of Vrawyth."

 I shake my head even though she couldn't see me. "You don't understand, Sir Farren. It's not about the title I have. That's fixed, and I couldn't change it. What I mean is I'm tired of being in the shadow of my family and the shadow of the royal family of the Vrawyth Kingdom. I'm tired of hearing people knowing me as the daughter of the Count or the future bride of the Crown Prince of the Vrawyth Kingdom. I just want to be me. To be Csille." I snort. "But I know it's impossible because I was born a noble, and this is how noble lives."

 Princess Paislee got silent. "Lady Lauretré, I might not understand what you are feeling but do you think it's okay to hurt anyone? I know it doesn't feel good to feel like you are slowly losing your identity. However, is it enough reason for you to left Prince Fraser at the side? Wondering what he did wrong for you to avoid him? Wouldn't it better to explain things to him? Prince Fraser isn't that shallow. I know he will understand you for sure. Wouldn't it better to have someone you could share your troubles with?"

 Why would I want Prince Fraser to know why I'm avoiding him? Not that I don't really care about his feelings, but this is a good opportunity for him to start to hate me. Hate me for avoiding him without saying anything. 

 Princess Paislee is wise. I understand it, but I just don't understand why is she doing all of this? "How can he understand it if he's the root of my problem?"

 I heard movements outside. "What do you mean, Lady Lauretré?"

 "Do you know what I feel every time people will address me as the future bride of Prince Fraser?" I paused and sigh. "It irks me, Sir Farren. It irks me. I hate how people only know me as the future bride of Prince Fraser and not because I am Csille Lauretré. I hate how I'm starting to lose my own name. All I want is to feel my own self. Without the name of Prince Fraser or the Count of the Vrawyth Kingdom behind my back. But how can I do that if he is always beside me?"

 I just realized. Isn't this conversation a good way to clear my relationship with Prince Fraser? So, Princess Paislee wouldn't hesitate to fall in love with Prince Fraser because I am now stating that I don't like the title of being the bride of the Crown Prince? 

 "Lady Lauretré, didn't you agreed to be the fiancée of Prince Fraser? So, why do you sound like you don't like that idea?"

 "Is that what they said?" I laugh. "We were still children when the King of the Vrawyth Kingdom announced his plan about the engagement between Prince Fraser and I. Do you think I have an idea what will happen to me in the future? All I know is the title of the Queen is really pleasing in the ears. But now that I grew up and I realized how big the responsibility of being a Queen of the Kingdom. Can't I change my mind?"

 "However, Lady Lauretré, you must remember that it was the King who announced the engagement between you and Prince Fraser. If you don't want to be the Queen, then it means you are disobeying the order of the King. Will you still do it? Is it worth it?"

 Is it worth it? Yes, of course. In the first place, I'm not the one who will cancel our engagement. It is Prince Fraser who will do that. 

 "Who says I'm disobeying the King? I never said I would."

 "Sorry, I thought you wouldn't continue your engagement with Prince Fraser. Your words-"

 "My words? Oh, you thought I would cancel my engagement because I don't like being addressed as the future bride of Prince Fraser? I never said I would cancel it." I paused. I'm thinking what words should I use that wouldn't sound suspicious. "What if it's Prince Fraser?"

 "What do you mean, Lady Lauretré?"

 "I think you know what I mean." I scoff. "What if Prince Fraser falls in love with someone beside me? What if he's the one who will ask the King to cancel our engagement?"

 Princess Paislee got silent for a moment. "Why do you sound so sure he will fall in love with someone other than you?"

 Of course, I know. I am the one who writes about your love story. So, it's understandable that I know it. But I couldn't tell her that, so I just shrugged my shoulder. "I am not sure. I'm just open to possibility. No one knows what the future holds," Aside from me, of course. I rolled my eyes. "And changes could happen. Who knows, maybe Prince Fraser will meet someone like-minded like him. Perhaps a Princess too? I think that's what he deserves, not just a random daughter of a noble family in the Vrawyth Kingdom. Also, everyone knows that I'm the most bizarre lady in all the Kingdoms. Having purple eyes and purple hair? Who wouldn't want to have a normal looking lady for a wife?"

 "Lady Lauretré, I think your features are your most prized asset. Aside from you, no one in all the Kingdoms has purple eyes and purple hair. I think that's what your advantage to other ladies."

 "I dunno. Maybe yes? Maybe not?" I laugh. "We will see what will happen in the future." I face the door. "It was nice talking to you, Sir Farren, but I hope you wouldn't tell anyone what we talked about. Especially Prince Fraser."

 Princess Paislee is about to refuse when I open the door slightly and holds her arm. "Please."

 I heard Princess Paislee sigh. "Okay. I won't say anything to Prince Fraser. But I hope you will not push Prince Fraser away."

 I didn't answer her and just let go of her arm and close the door. I lean on the closed door and close my eyes.

 I'm only doing what I should do. I smile bitterly. And I'm not the one who will push him. He will be the one who will push Csille away.