[Book Four] Chapter 48: Madness

Chapter 48: Madness

Entering his lab late in the evening, Jane saw her brother looking at some schematics on the screen in front of him. She couldn’t see what they were about and she didn’t care. It’s been a month since he was back home and while she kept an eye on him she did it from afar. She knew that he would react badly to her, or anyone else, fussing over him and that he needed his space. He was acting normally in front of others and even took care of Aezzia, something she was very grateful for, but she knew he wasn’t alright. That was a given, everyone did but only her noticed that it was worse than everyone thought. Her guts was telling her that something was very wrong and tonight she was going to probe the terrain so to speak.

“Hey.” She said softly as she walked to stand beside him.
“Hey.” was his greet back in a monotonous way devoid of any emotion.
“We need… Or rather I need to talk to you.”

Stopping looking at his screen he turned his head then his seat to look at her.

“What is it?” 

Taking his hands in hers, she crouched a bit to be at his eye level. She didn’t have to do much with the difference in their height.

“Nearly forty years ago, I promised you that wherever you go, I’ll go. But you’re going somewhere I can’t and I don’t like it. Don’t! Don’t deny it.” she said as he was about to interrupt. “I know you better than anyone and you may pull the wool over everyone’s eyes but not me. I. Know. Every fiber of my being knows that you’re not brooding that you’re not tired like you told me you were. You’re completely burned out aren’t you?”

Rick looked at her for a moment, thinking about how to answer if he answered at all.

“I am. I’m done. I can’t do it anymore. I can fake it… I will fake it until Aezzia is an adult but afterward…”
“You promised that you wouldn’t try again.” she said with a frown.
“I know and I won’t take my own life, no matter how much I can feel my blood pumping and have the urge to let it all out.”
“You intend to leave then? That too, you promised. You promised Me.”
“I… don’t think I can keep that promise, Jane. And Arianna… She’s a grown up now, she’s married. Matthew too is a grown up, that’s why I’m leaving once Aezzia is an adult. They have their own lives. I’m not needed anymore.”
“What about Sandra?”
“...”

He didn’t have an answer to that question. His relationship with his second daughter was something he deeply regretted. Not because of any fatherly feeling he still had or guilt, he had discarded that years ago, but because he knew that one day she’ll be without him probably because he was thirty years older.

“What about the others?”
“...”
“What about me?”
“I need to, Jane.” he replied but this time with emotion in his voice and eyes. It was almost like a plea. “I feel like… Like a husk or like a broken vending machine. Still working but the light inside is broken. Being around people, no matter how close… It’s making me feel worse. I don’t… I don’t like this feeling. I don’t know what it is but I don't like it, Jane. It’s the worst.”
“... Come.” she said as she straightened and pulled him up.

 She led him out of his lab and took the elevator down the corridor. Going up towards their quarters she pulled him inside her personal room that she almost never used. Inside she pushed him onto the bed gently.

“I may not know how you feel or even understand. What I do know is a way to fight it.” she said as she mounted him and kissed him. There was no lust in that kiss, only love and after a few seconds he tentatively answered back, slowly. It wasn’t a long one, a dozen seconds at best before their lips stopped being pressed against each other. Resting her forehead against his, she spoke up.

“Did it work?”
“...”
“That’s alright. I’ll try again as many times as necessary.”
“Jane…”
“I know it, Rick. I know it will work. We just need time.”
“It already does.”

Hearing that she pulled back up to look him in the eyes in surprise.

“I… they all tried you know. Ashley, Tali, Liara. Be it sex or just kissing. Dorothea was more… understanding and simply wanted to snuggle. You’re the only one I had a reaction to. You’re the only one I felt… something. I didn’t think I would.”
“Of course you would.” she replied putting a hand on his cheek and caressing it with her thumb.
“I have a confession to make.”
“Yes?”
“I just realized… I mean, I knew but… I never saw it that way or never thought of it consciously…”
“What is it?” she asked as he was trailing off.
“I don’t like it when you call me Rick.”

She blinked at his answer. That was so out of the blue for the topic at hand. She knew her brother though, and knew the ways he thought so she let him talk.

“I know I won’t make much sense but… Rick? He always has been Analysse’s. Not Ashley’s or.. Or anyone else’s…Not yours. But that’s… That’s not right because I’m yours. Or rather John is. The one time you used my name I… You don’t know how close you came to die. I was… so angry at the time but it never felt wrong to hear you calling me by that name. Calling me Rick… It was like a punishment I was giving you, like I was severing our relationship or… denying it to you. When we got together… when we patched things up… It always felt so wrong to hear you call me Rick. Before or after. Rick belongs to Analysse not you. John belongs to you not Analysse.”
“...”
“And I think that's the difference between the others and the two of you. I love them. I love them all but I can live without them. Not you. Not Analysse. And I feel lucky that… when I lost her you showed up back into my life. That’s also the reason why that kiss had an effect on me. Why you had an effect on me. Because I’m in love with you like I’m in love with her. You and her were the two people I was thinking about during that time alone. No one else.”
“You have no idea how happy hearing that makes me feel.” she said with the brightest of smiles. “Why wait forty years?”
“Well… After being an ass about it for years I just… went along with it.  And… I never could pinpoint exactly the source… or rather I never linked the two together and...”
“Do you want me to call you John?”
“When it’s only the two of us, I’d appreciate it.”
“As you wish, John.” she replied, accentuating his name.
“This feels right. I guess that will have to do to keep going.”
“Actually… I have a confession to make too.”
“Oh?”
“When you left your place to Sandra I began to think that maybe retirement was on the horizon so I began to do some research.”
“About?”
“A planet with a lot of rain and with an isolated corner of land for our big house. Found it and I secretly had our house built. It’s done and we can move in any time.”
“Jane…”
“I also built a smaller wooden house for two people not far to make it even more remote. A few hundred clicks away.”
“You remembered.” he whispered in surprise.
“Hmm. That’s the only thing that was missing. We got together, we got a girl and a boy, we just didn’t have the house. In fact I think we need some R&R there very soon. I’m sure it will help you recover. That and me. Especially me.”
“The others won’t appr…”
“They don’t matter. They’re not the one you’re in love with and they can’t help you the way I can. I know how it sounds but it’s the sad truth. Now… Are you… able for some love making? Because three years without you inside of me, where you belong, is three years too many.”

The teasing but eager tone in her voice didn’t have the desired effect, not feeling her brother’s appendage harden under her ass.

“Sorry. I’m not… I don’t think I’ll be for a while but I very much want and need to snuggle.”
“Snuggle it is.” she said as she dismounted him and began to undress, throwing her clothes towards the chair near her vanity (which she rarely used). Most missed and ended up on the floor which she didn’t care about one bit. When she was done and turned around to finally get to bed, Rick had just removed his own underwear. Getting close to him she once again pulled his head in the middle of her breasts and he let out a sigh of contentment that pleased her. Turning his head to the side he grabbed the underside of one of her tits and with his forefinger began to play with the heart-shaped ring that adorned her nipple.

“It’s been thirteen years and I still can’t believe you have them pierced for me.” he said tugging gently on the ring.
“There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you, you know that.”
“Knowing it and seeing it are two different things.”
“Well, something tells me that very soon you’ll taste and feel it.”

Lowering her head she captured his lips with hers before both went to sleep in each other’s embrace.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

It was a less emotionless Rick that started the day. As he woke up sprawled on Jane, he found himself wishing to stay like that forever. At peace. His constant resurrections had him wishing for death, a permanent one, more than he ever had before but he knew he couldn’t. Not with the Ketts still existing, not with Jane still out there. The thought of his wife, bondmates or children rarely came into his mind and gradually disappeared the more time passed until they didn’t show up anymore. Rationally he knew that was wrong. Out of principle and because he did love them all, truly.

Letting out a content but tired sigh, he pulled himself off of Jane and went to take a quick shower. Not quick enough in the end since his favorite redhead joined him. There was no funny business or amorous action however and they simply washed themselves. Once clean and dressed, Jane asked what he was working on, trying to get a small emotional reaction out of him, knowing that he was always enthusiastic when he talked about an idea he had. She got one but not what she expected. His answer was mired with rage, sadness, guilt and shame.

“The destruction of all the Ketts in one fell swoop.”
“How?”
“By being, perhaps, the greatest monster in the galaxy…”

That was all he said as he exited the room. At his silent invitation of his hand, Jane followed him to his lab where he pulled a second chair next to him. Sitting down she saw him pull up some files on his terminal screen. Each had a different name. 

“ ‘Black Death’,‘Divine Retribution’, ‘Ragnarok’?” she spoke out loud to herself. “That doesn’t sound good. Ragnarok is the end of the gods, right? From what I remember of one of our D&D games. Black Death well that seems pretty obvious but Divine retribution? That sounds ominous but I can’t remember anything about it besides the meaning.”
“Because nothing of the like happened, well… except in religious books. Human ones.”
“I’m not going to like it, don’t I? None of them.”
“No.” he said and took a big inspiration. “Black Death, like you may have guessed, is a pandemic, tailored to kill anything with Ketts DNA. The principle is to have nanobots release and infect a Kett with a deadly virus that would spread faster than wildfire. It would grow into the Kett and be dormant while it spread until it matured enough to enter its killing phase. It would take time both for the virus to spread and to kill them. It’s the least effective of the three and the most illegal but again illegality during war…”
“You can’t step a foot on that slippery slope, John. Biological warfare is…” warned his sister.
“I know. It’s the most cruel of the three since it takes so much time and the most difficult to put into action anyway, so I wasn’t really banking on it.”
“Divine Retribution?”
“We find the most populated planets of the Kett and send a defective RED or DRED there and make it explode.”

Considering the failure to create a RED could destroy an entire solar system she wasn’t sure it was a good idea. The less said about a DRED, the better. That brought out problems too. The reveal of either power source and the fact that Rick had that kind of power weaponized. Many already think (rightfully) that he had invented weapons that could easily allow him to take over the galaxies, giving those people reasons to think it’s true could spark a war out of fear or greed that no one wanted.

“Better but the long term consequences… Worse for us.”
“Yes. Finally…”
“Ragnarok.”
“It’s recreating the crucible and fine tuning it to the Ketts.”
“...”
“...”
“Fuck.” she whispered.

That was at the same time the best and worst option of the three. Providing the Ketts were not from another galaxy than Andromeda, which was almost certain, they would all be wiped out. The problem was that it needed the catalyst, meaning the Citadel or recreate it. And that wasn’t even mentioning that if he could succeed in targeting only the Kett it could be used for any other species as long as they have their DNA. That would be a disaster if one species got their hands on that. The thought of Bahlak made her chilled. The last problem was the need for a Mass Relay network that would severely be damaged. Building it just to have to destroy then repair it. It wouldn’t sit well with anyone.

“Yeah, ‘fuck’... Otherwise, we build a Death Star. That or …” he trailed off and Jane noticed his hesitation to speak further.
“Or?”
“It’s… It wasn’t meant to be used that way. It was for EDI should she decide that she doesn’t want non-functionality anymore.”

As he said that, he closed the three files and stood up from his seat. He went to the aquarium and plunged his arm into it to reach something buried deep under the sand. It was only once he removed his arm from the water that he saw an almost flat box rather large. Shaking it to spill the water clinging to it he signaled Jane to join him to the couch as he put the box on the coffee table.

“Bring the picture of EDI, Dorothea and Me, please.”

Jane looked around his desk and found the one among others pictures of his lovers and family. She always wondered why he used paper photos, something that was out of date, instead of using a simple tablet to display them.

‘I guess, I’m about to find out why.’

Walking towards him to sit on the couch too, she saw him open the box and pick up from inside of it a very slim terminal. It wasn’t paper thin but she wouldn’t bet on it being thicker than one inch if not less. Once seated she saw him boot up the terminal and entered no less than thirteen different passwords. That was not all, he put his hand on the screen to have it scan then  put his forefinger into a specific area on the keyboard. When he brought his finger to suck on it, she understood that the terminal had checked for his blood or DNA.

“It checks my nanobots too.” he said, obviously having understood what she was thinking.
“That’s a lot of security for something so small. I gather it must be something really bad to protect it that much.”
“It’s not bad per say but it could be used that way.” he answered.
“The picture?”
“Just a picture.” he said and explained further as she didn’t understand. “The terminal is just a reader, something to display the information. The information is behind the picture.”

Rick took the picture from her hand and removed the back of the  frame. He picked up a very thin and transparent card from it and Jane could see, with difficulty, some very thin line coursing through it. He put it where he had put his hand earlier, on the screen and immediately a small loading window appeared and disappeared after a second or two.

“It’s a new system I created years ago. Omni-tool and Disk are too easy to hack. On the other hand this… even if people knew it existed they couldn't find it. You could stick it to your skin and no scanner would detect it.”
“I’m going to ask a lot more about it later.” Jane replied and got a nod of affirmation as he typed on the keyboard.

“This is project Gaea.” he said and pulled up a picture of the blueprints of a ship.

A very big ship. The biggest she has ever seen. She didn’t know much about blueprints but after being with Rick for so long she knew at least how to read certain information. Like the legend and some specs.

“Eighteen Km long? Ten Km wide? That’s… Enormous!”
“Yes.”
“Why…”
“The project is… Its purpose is to preserve life and create new hospitable worlds. It’s supposed to be autonomous without any need of an actual crew. I… It was something for EDI should she wish to keep exploring the galaxy and make an index of everything by gathering simple. To save life when it’s about to be extinguished. If I had to give you an example… It’s like picking the DNA of multiple dinosaurs, finding a planet, using the Jardaan technology to terraform it, then reintroducing the dinosaurs into it. No more extinction.”

“What can it do exactly?”
“Create its own DRED and VERDUN, more or less safely. Create its own mechs to take care of the ship during its travel. Use the Mass effect field to travel by being its on Mass Relay… And many other things among which… Destroy a planet.”
“That’s like your Death Star idea.”
“No. The Death Star is a space station only geared towards destruction. Gaea is a ship geared towards exploration, collection and creation. The fire power is there to protect itself from serious attack should the enemy prove persistent. I see it as a big library that is well defended.”
“And you want EDI to be in control of it?!”
“No. Not particularly. It’s only if she chose to live. I want her to have the means to do something meaningful and not just… waste away in her own mind and turn herself mad or something like that. A way to preserve her humanity if you will.”
“Alright… Okay… It’s scary as hell but I get it. Now you want to use it as a weapon against the Ketts?”
“Again, no. But it’s better than the other solution that I showed you, isn’t it?”
“Barely! John! It can destroy planets!”
“I know. Why do you think I hid that project so much? The information is only on this card and can only be read on this terminal. No one knew but me. Not EDI, not Miranda, not Sandra… What’s more is… I don’t want to use it for war but we may not have that luxury.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. So far we’re doing well.”
“Not in the Ares Cluster. There is a heavy Kett presence there. And there are many more unexplored clusters yet. Who knows if they’re not even more populated and defended by them?””

Jane sighed at that. Rick wasn’t wrong to fear the worst. While technologically they were a bit superior if their numbers were significantly higher, that wasn’t a war they could win. The Ares cluster proved that. Twenty ships and their crew lost to only twice the number of Kett ships. It was only six months ago and scouts reported that it was only a fraction of the enemy forces. If they wanted that cluster they would need to invest a sizable portion of the Galactic fleet. So far it has been decided to secure Kett free clusters and build Mass Relays there instead. The idea was to win as much ground on them as possible so a powerful armada could swoop in in case of an attack.

“It doesn’t matter, it could take years to make it, we don’t…”
“Ten years, seven months and sixteen days.”
“What?”
“That’s the time it took to build it.”
“To buil… It’s already ready?!” she exclaimed in shock.
“Yes. I started in 2208 on my return from the Milky Way.”
“How… Did no one ever find out?”
“No. I used my own private funds for it and I took it slow. I think EDI knows that I funded a personal project but no more. Now give me your hand.”

She looked at him for a moment, her mind all over the place, but agreed and did so. He put it on the screen which scanned it. Once done, he put one of her fingers on the same area he put his earlier and she felt a slight prick on it before Rick put it in his mouth to suck on it.

“Now you have access too.”
“I… What about the thirteen passwords?”
“I’ll give them to you later. They are easy to remember, don’t worry.”
“... Why me? Why not EDI?”
“Because I trust you the most. More than I trust myself. I don’t trust myself very much right now.”

Looking at him she saw the conflict in his eyes. Sighing again, she stood up and dragged him with her.

“Put everything back then go pack for the both of us. I’ll go see Hackett.” she said and at his brow raised she explained. “We’re leaving, now.”

Rick nodded and began to do as instructed. Meanwhile Jane left the lab and went to the Command Room, to speak with the man. He was standing close to the rail overseeing a couple feet down people working tirelessly.

“Sir.”
“Commander.” the man replied, turning his head to look at her.

“Enjoying the view?”
“Yes. I don’t think I could ever get tired of it.” he said as he turned his head back to look back at the huge transparent window twenty feet in front of them. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of this ship. Everything is… so well designed. Nothing is out of order and optimal. I admit I’m a bit jealous that you spent the last twenty years living on it. Most do in fact.”
“Have you ever been to the park on the ship’s top floor?”
“Can’t say I have, why?”
“The window is even bigger. With the trees and small pond the view is even better. You feel like you're on Earth. At least that’s what I feel when I’m there. Very relaxing.”
“I’ll take your word for it Commander. I confess, I didn’t spend much time exploring Cassiopeia during the year I spent on it, maybe I’ll change that.”
“You should, the burden becomes easier to bear.”
“Noted. Now what do you have for me?”
“Bad news… In a way.”
“In a way?”
“He’s not doing well. He plasters a smile on his face but… his thoughts are dangerous.”
“Dangerous how?”
“He showed me three different projects to deal permanently with the Ketts. All worse than the other. From biological weapons, to the recreation of the crucible and the catalyst.”
“That’s not bad but terrible news, Commander.” replied Hackett with worry and a hint of fear.
“I know, sir. That’s why… I’m asking permission to take him away for R&R. He’s too focused on their destruction and I’m afraid of him crossing a line he can’t come back from and that will affect us all.”
“I really don’t like the sound of that. Very well, take him away and… fix him or at the very least divert him from what he’s thinking. Take as much time as necessary and while I trust you, Shepard, I want to see these projects so I know what I’m dealing with.”
“EDI, did Rick classify them?”
“The access is reserved for the highest ranking members of the company. Himself, Sandra, You and Me.”
“Me? I’m not part of the company.”
“No but he gave you special privileges.”
“Then share the project with the Admiral.”

The AI did as instructed and Hackett opened his tablet to see the files he had just received. Each project made his face pale even more than the previous one.

“Commander, FIX him.” he ordered.
“He’s aware that it’s monstrous and he didn’t bat an eye when he told me that. There is hope though.”
“Hope?”
“There is another project… One that was not meant to fight the Ketts or any kind of fight but he can repurpose it. It’s a ship, a dreadnought or rather a super dreadnought...”
“Super dreadnought?”
“Eighteen km long, ten km wide.”
“God!” exclaimed the Admiral. “And it was not meant for a fight?”
“It’s more of a science ship with the purpose of collecting, preserving, protecting, studying and perpetuating life. It is equipped to defend itself.”
“His length alone… With a GR-canon…”
“Could destroy planets, yes.”
“Way better than the projects I just read. More… human in a way when it’s about waging war. Do you have the file? How long would it take to build and be put out there?”
“Only he has access to the file for now. He gave me a bit of it but not all. As for building it, it’s been ready to deploy for the last five years.”
“Jesus.”
“I know. I had the same reaction. Besides the obvious problems it could cause with the council regarding the company it may be and I’m not completely agreeing on this, but it may be the best solution to end the war quickly and limit the losses on our side.”
“...You gave me a lot to think about, Commander. That he had built his own advanced dreadnought was not out of my expectations but this…” he cut himself and sighed. “Go and do your best to bring him back in a good frame of mind.”
“Yes, sir.” Jane replied with a nod and left the command room.

She had a lot of work to do.