Tatakau Shisho

Volume 9, Chapter 4: The Singer and a Certain Boy – Part?6

Next day they moved to the south.

As expected they found some unknown animals. Nieniu petted them and played around. It seemed she was extremely fond of cute things. They watched the blue sea the whole day long. They both gathered seashells and competed to find the prettiest ones. Ruruta used his magic of clairvoyance and found a seashell much bigger than a palm.

There was a desert far to the east. Walking around this endless, empty desert they couldn’t put their impression into words.

They went to the north to once again watch that curtain of light. However, despite them waiting all night it didn’t appear, and they both slumped their shoulders in disappointment. Ruruta said he would spend only one day with Nieniu. However, as a matter of course two days then three days passed. In seven days Nieniu went and played around the world.

And night fell. Ruruta gazed at the outside scenery from a certain seaside cave. The ocean was illuminated by moonlight, filling it with a deep, transparent blue. The naked Nieniu slept in his embrace.

A voice sounded from inside his Imaginary Entrails. The souls he had Eaten writhed in despair inside the desert.

‘…How futile. You have wasted seven whole days.’

‘We can forgive neither that worm nor Ruruta!’

‘Is Ruruta done?! Shit! What have we all died for?!’

Ruruta answered them calmly.

“Silence. Or do you want me to head down there and silence you?”

All the souls became quiet in unison. Until now Ruruta felt guilty for the warriors who have died for his sake. He was trying to become stronger as to not let their sacrifices be in vain. He refused them for the first time.

“Why don’t we admit it already? I’m weak. If Nieniu wasn’t there I wouldn’t be alive. I can’t kill who I love. I’m helplessly weak.”

‘We will never admit you being weak.’

“I realized something about myself these seven days.

Why was I born with transparent hair? Wasn’t someone else supposed to have been born with it and I was only a mistake? I’m just a child. A boy who misses his mother and becomes attached to whoever reached out to him and spoiled him… a mere boy.

Nieniu simply staying happy by my side is enough for me. There’s no way a child like me could save the world.”

‘What’re you saying! If so then why did we have to die! I wanted to live more! We didn’t want to be Eaten! Yet even so…!’

Ruruta spoke calmly.

“I’m sorry. That’s all I will say. I don’t feel like speaking any further.”

Confirming the souls went silent, Ruruta closed his eyes. He started thinking before falling asleep.

Was everything a useless endeavor? Were everyone’s lives and efforts all useless? I don’t want to think that. However, he was helplessly weak. He could only apologize for that weakness. He could neither protect the world nor kill Nieniu.

Ruruta thought. Why have I been born into this world?

Ruruta’s sleep was always light. For that reason he had much more frequent dreams than most people. And he also heard Orntorra’s Whisper many times.

Again? Ruruta thought that day. It was the same vague battlefield dream. He was about to fight the Beasts of the Final Chapter and again be slayed.

Why did they interfere when he wanted to be with Nieniu? Ruruta sighed.

However, he noticed something strange. That day, there was only a single Iron-Fanged Rat in front of him and no more.

‘This is the first time for us to converse, right, Ruruta Coozancoona?’

The Beast opened its mouth. Ruruta was surprised. Could it really speak?

“A Beast of the Final Chapter? Or are you the Future Overseer Orntorra?”

‘It doesn’t matter which. The shape I appear in is different, but the essence is the same. Just like a fist used to strike people and a palm used to embrace people are the same.’

Ruruta didn’t quite understand but it didn’t really matter to him.

“What are you planning today? I want to wake up soon. Make it brief.”

‘…You have touched the door, however… that is still not enough to open it. Also, that woman is preventing you from opening it.’

“What are you talking about?”

‘About you. Do not mind it.’

The Iron-Fanged Rat turned its back to Ruruta and started walking away.

‘Please come here.’

“What for?”

‘I have killed you more than hundreds of times inside this dream. I tried making you realize that resisting is useless. However, since you were so stubborn you would not lend me your ears.

If so, I still have another way. We can use not only force, but words as well.’

“You want to have a talk with me?”

‘Indeed, and I want to show you something as well.’

At that moment, the vague scene of the dream suddenly started feeling more real. Ruruta saw there the Capital that he knew all too well.

‘It is nothing impressive. This is what currently happens in the Capital.’

In the royal tower, Vooekisal was hitting the walls. The skin on his fists was torn, and he was bleeding from his forehead and lips as well.

“What’s he doing?”

‘You can tell by looking, can’t you? He’s angry.’

Vooekisal banged his head against the wall. Ruruta perceived his feelings.

His anger was directed first and foremost against Nieniu. I’ll kill her, no matter what, I’ll make sure she dies. I’ll break all her limbs, rip her flesh, burn her body, and soak it in filth. Ruruta was disgusted at Vooekisal’s incorrigible hatred.

Next he was angry at his incompetent subordinates. Why are you so weak, why haven’t you given Ruruta even stronger powers? You weaklings. Incompetent worms, I’ll kill them all and let Ruruta Eat the useful ones. Just letting Ruruta, myself, and several women be the only humans who survive will be enough.

“…Was my number one subordinate really that kind of man?”

Ruruta sighed. How unsightly and despicable.

‘If he were not such a man the kingdom would have not turned out like this. A kingdom that does not treasure human’s hearts and lives, that is.’

“…Right.”

‘If he were only to understand the value of human hearts a little better, you also would not have been like you are now.’

“Right. That’s exactly right.”

The scene changed. A warrior that even Ruruta knew by face was kicking an old woman. He was able to gather from his anger that she was seemingly the man’s mother.

“What is this?”

‘Nothing extraordinary. It is always like this for him. It appears that she did not boil the barley porridge for his dinner today.’

“And just for that he kicks his parent?”

‘Indeed. He thinks of it as perfectly natural.’

Once again a different scene was shown.

A single man pushed down a young woman and satisfied his ugly lust. Ruruta averted his eyes without thinking. It was because this scene overlapped with how he was with Nieniu not long ago.

‘Please relax, Ruruta. What you have done was not wrong. If both your hearts have connected, that is the proper action.’

The man was thinking: Ruruta will not necessarily win. I have to make some good memories. However, Ruruta knew – he repeated this sort of thing countless times. At times he even colluded with his comrades. He felt nauseous.

Orntorra showed him various other scenes.

Boys who were throwing nails at a powerless girl and a warrior who considered that a natural punishment.

Two brothers who hit each other, scrambling over a little food. Their voices cursing each other and the blood running down their noses and mouths.

A man who worked himself to the bones. His son that looked down on him and laughed at him.

After showing him all these scenes, the dream returned to the same desert as always.

“Why have you shown me this?”

The Iron-Fanged Rat looked up at Ruruta and spoke.

‘Ruruta. You have been thinking that if you defeated the Beasts of the Final Chapter everyone will attain happiness, right?’

“Yes. Obviously everyone will be happy.”

‘However, this is reality. People hurt each other, deceive one another, and curse each other. This is irrelevant to whether there are Beasts or not, whether you are there or not.

They are for you, and even for me, the true helpless form of humans.’

“And what’s your point?”

‘Ruruta. I am the Future Overseer Orntorra. A being that guides people down the proper path. I have always tried to make this world be like heaven. Along with Bantorra and Toitorra, we have done our best. However, we have failed and thus humans have fallen.’

“…”

‘I cannot help it. Will you sympathize with my feelings? I can no longer bear even overlooking this world.

Before long, this world will truly become the worst world possible. When that time comes I will destroy it. Is that so wrong that you would deny it so far?’

“…Say it clearly. Don’t choose strange words to try and convince me.”

‘I see, so I will say it clearly. Please stop fighting. More than impossible, it is just harmful. Both for you as well for me… You have actually already noticed it, have you not?’

“Yeah. I know what you mean.”

Ruruta bent his knees in front of the Iron-Fanged Rat.

“There are no chances of victory. And it’s impossible to find any chances of victory. I’ve also lost my desire to fight. And I don’t even know why I should keep fighting anymore.”

‘Indeed.’

“I give up. I cannot win against the Beasts. I can’t save the world.”

‘…I am deeply sympathetic toward you. You are a victim who is the savior only by name. A sad boy hurt by the foolish hope harbored by people. Orntorra deeply pities you.’

“They’ll come soon, huh. To kill us.”

‘I don’t know when. However, it is but a question of time.’

“…If possible, can it be late? I want to be with Nieniu for a long time.”

‘I cannot decide on my own. The door to the world’s destruction will open due to humans.’

Having no idea what this meant, Ruruta woke up.

Nieniu peeked at Ruruta’s face. He seemed to have overslept.

“…Good morning.”

When he opened his eyes Nieniu was there. Why was he so happy just because of that? Even though he decided to abandon the world inside his dream just now. He cried, asking the world for forgiveness, and made a decision he couldn’t be allowed even if he committed suicide.

“Nieniu, do you want to eat fish? I will get some.”

Ruruta said, pointing at the sea.

There was something he realized inside the dream. I didn’t particularly want to save the world. I was just trying to do so because I was born with this transparent hair, as the savior.

It didn’t mean I love this world. And if I don’t I can’t save it. This is all it boils down to.

“…I don’t really want to eat. It’s fine for today.”

“I see, so me as well.”

He gave up on saving the world. Ruruta’s heart darkened. He felt despondent, guilty and sad. Yet there was also a small joy at his release. Ruruta thought so and comforted himself. At this rate, as long as he was with Nieniu it was enough for him.

“We’ve flown all over the world so I’m tired. Let’s take it easy for today.”

“…Sure.”

He wanted to keep this life as long as possible. That was his only wish. At that moment, his heart ached.

Right. If the world is destroyed then she would die as well. When he thought of it he was extremely pained. Neither his death nor the death of everyone in the world pained him, but Nieniu’s death was painful even now.

However, that was also unavoidable. He gave up on saving the world. Therefore he also had no choice but accept Nieniu’s death.

“…Ruruta, are you fine? Should I sing for you for the first time in a while?”

“Ah, well, that’s… fine, I guess.”

“…Saying it like this is sad. I’ve staked my life on this song.”

Ruruta hurriedly calmed the sulking Nieniu. He heard a song while lying on her lap for the first time in a while. No matter how many times he heard it he was relieved. Her kindness was conveyed from her song.

He realized it was a mistake wanting to kill her after hearing her song. I can’t allow her to die, he thought after hearing her song.

Even if I give up on the world, I can’t give up on her.

But what should I do? I can’t defeat the Beasts of the Final Chapter, but I can’t give up on Nieniu.

Even if I give up on the world, I can’t give up on a single girl.

“…Have I sung well, I wonder.”

Nieniu said.

“Yeah, it was a beautiful song.”

“Good. This is probably my last song after all.”

Not understanding the meaning of her words for an instant, Ruruta stared at her face.

“…Ruruta, it’s enough. You have to go back. You gave up seven days for me, but that’s enough.”

“…”

Oh, I see. Nieniu still thinks I’m about to kill her, huh? Ruruta just realized the extent of his stupidity. Ruruta gave up on saving the world yet he hadn’t told her this. He probably thought that she would somehow understand it anyway.

I have to tell you, Nieniu. There’s no longer any need for you to die. Because I’ve given up on the world.

But how will I tell her that? What should I say to her?

“…Please don’t worry about me anymore. I was happy. I never thought I would end up having such a wonderful time at the end. That is more than enough for me.”

Please don’t say it’s enough. It’s not enough for me. I won’t be satisfied if I don’t make you even happier.

“Nieniu, don’t you have any regrets?”

“…Not anymore.”

“Really? Do you really have none? Please think about it, tell me that you still have lingering attachments.”

Nieniu seemed somewhat troubled. Then she started thinking while gazing at the ocean.

“…Everyone’s living on the other side of the sea.”

“Yeah.”

Nieniu stared at the sea for a long time. Then she started speaking again.

“…I have regrets, lots of them.”

Figures. Since you have regrets I can’t kill you. I don’t want to let you die.

“Tell me. Tell me what you want to do, what you wish for from the bottom of your heart.”

“…What I want to do…”

Thinking for a short while, Nieniu turned around. Then she spoke with her hand on her chest.

“…I want to protect this world.”

At that moment, Ruruta felt a shock as if his legs were shaking. But I’ve given up on it. Why would you wish for that?

“…I’ve experienced only painful happenings until now.

The Chief died, I became alone, and all that happened afterward was truly painful. There were many suffering people, and I’d never be able to save all of them. No one would understand me and I’ve been watching unpleasant things continuously.”

“Then how come you want to protect the world?”

“…I’m the last Singer. I’ve lived only thinking of singing. I’ve lived while wishing for the people of the world to become happy through my songs. I thought that this wasn’t wrong. That was always painful, but I believe I’ve led a correct life.”

Nieniu smiled.

“…I love this world. It’s the world that let me live in it after all.”

“You… love this world?”

The moment he heard these words, Ruruta’s heart fell with a thump. That was the sound of all the worries he had harbored until now being solved in an instant.

Lamenting his own weakness…

Worrying about being unable to save the world…

Hesitating because he didn’t want to kill Nieniu…

Thinking that he didn’t want to save such a rotten world…

Concluding that he’d rather give up if he couldn’t save it.

All doubts that controlled Ruruta until then vanished. What was he so worried about for the last fifteen years? Was it fine for all of his worries to disappear instantly like that? Everything was settled all at once the more he thought about it.

“I… see. So you love the world… I see, I see now.”

He started talking strangely. Because everything was solved like that so suddenly he lost himself in his emotions.

“…What’s wrong, Ruruta?”

Nieniu was puzzled.

Was he strong or weak? Was he the savior or an impostor? Could he defeat the Beasts or not? Was it worth saving the world or not? These were all completely meaningless questions.

There was only one thing for certain. He simply loved Nieniu. He simply wanted to make her happy.

If that was the only thing for certain then he just had to conform to it. He simply needed to act in accordance to the only certain feeling in his heart.

“Ah, I see.”

There was only one thing he wanted to do. He wanted to save Nieniu. To make her happy. He just had to think of that.

“Nieniu, I think I just realized something very important.”

Saying this, Ruruta set Nieniu’s body afloat. And he flew to the sky as well. He started flying with terrifying vigor, splitting the sea with wind pressure.

“…What’s wrong, Ruruta?”

“We’re going back. Each to where they should be. Me to the Capital and you to the forest.”

“…Are you not going to kill me?”

“Why are you thinking about such a stupid thing?”

Ruruta smiled. And he hugged Nieniu.

The Beasts of the Final Chapter were strong. Ruruta was weak. This world was rotten. However, all of that could be changed. Ruruta just had to get stronger. He should just guide the people of the world to the proper path. Wasn’t that all that was needed?

Nieniu loves the world. And I love her. That is a certain thing and can never be changed.

If it cannot be changed, he had no choice but to accept it. He could do nothing but accept his own weakness, the Beasts’ strength and the rotten world and fight.

I will no longer hesitate. Because you exist in this world. As helpless as you are. As long as you’re there I can only keep fighting.

“…Nieniu. I will protect you. I will fight only for that.

For your sake, I will become the true savior, Ruruta Coozancoona!”

A few tens of minutes later, Ruruta appeared in the training grounds in front of the Royal Tower. Nieniu was not with him. He’d already left her in the forest she came from.

“Ruruta, what have you been doing until now…?”

“Don’t speak needlessly. Have you gathered Books while I was gone? If you have then bring them out immediately, we have no moment to spare!”

He spoke horribly. Despite him running away from the Royal Tower for an entire week, he found even a single second precious.

“They are here.”

Lascall appeared. He held plenty of Books. Not even wasting time on receiving them, Ruruta began Eating. He would Eat as much as he can and become as strong as he could. He could do anything if it was for saving Nieniu.

Having finished Eating the Books, Ruruta clenched his fists. He focused his mind and bundled the Magic Rights he had just received. Stronger, stronger, he wished. Thoroughly use every bit of power in my possession, he prayed silently while gnashing his teeth.

An indescribable sound echoed in the air. It was the after-effect of the Magic Rights inside Ruruta raised to their utmost limits. Sparks scattered, winds blew, and space itself twisted. Extraordinary powers grew within him.

“Rejoice, Vooekisal. I will be no longer fear anything, will no longer falter, will no longer lose heart, and I will never lose.”

Ruruta smiled.

“Rejoice, I am now stronger than ever before!”

How strange, thought Ruruta. My wish to protect a single girl is much stronger than wanting to protect the entire world. To the extent they can’t even be compared.

I can win, he thought. For the first time in his life, he felt like he could win against the Beasts. I can’t be grateful to Nieniu enough. Because by meeting and loving her I was able to become a true savior for the first time.

Some time passed since then. Nieniu, who was left in the forest without understanding anything, was puzzled for while at not being able to grasp the current situation.

Eventually several pieces of wood flew out of nowhere. On them Ruruta had written everything he thought about ever since meeting her without concealing anything. He wrote about him wanting to save the world and then giving up on it. About him trying to protect the world for Nieniu’s sake. Nieniu came to know of his real feelings.

I cannot meet you right now. However, we will soon be able to meet again. When I defeat the Beasts of the Final Chapter and save the world, I will come to see you again. Thus was written.

And the following was written in the end.

“I will protect you. I’m fighting only for you. Therefore, save the people of the world with your song. As long as you and I are here we can save the world. We will both save the world.”

Nieniu cried quietly after having finished reading. She was so happy she couldn’t stop her tears. Ruruta loves me. He’s fighting to fulfill my dream.

I have to try harder as well. I have to sing an even more wonderful song so I could save the world. Not only a song of healing; I have to also deliver a song that could make more people happy.

Because that is the response to Ruruta’s feelings.