Tatakau Shisho

Volume 9, Chapter 4: The Singer and a Certain Boy – Part?5

Ruruta desperately continued training. All the while shaking off Nieniu’s words that wouldn’t let go of his mind.

Having no idea how long this went on, he realized he had fainted at some point when the training ended. It only lasted for several minutes, but during that time he had a dream. It was the dream of destruction shown to him by Orntorra.

“…This again?”

Inside the vague dream the Beasts of the Final Chapter swooped down on Ruruta. Although the scenery of the dream was vague, the pain of his body being chewed and the feeling of the attacks he unleashed were certain.

He scattered the lines of Cavalrymen using the Dark Club Gmork. He burnt a herd of Iron-Fanged Rats to ashes using electricity emitted from his entire body. However, he battled an endless army. In the end neither the seven Weapons, his trained body, nor his Magic Rights could stand up to the Beasts.

He probably fought them like this countless of times. And he lost every time. In about half a year this vision would become reality. Ruruta’s body was wounded and he was being devoured. He shouted. It hurts, I’m scared. Save me, someone please save me.

He was assaulted by reality. He couldn’t win against the Beasts. He could never win like he was now.

And he woke from the dream.

Waking up, Ruruta held his head. He had to become strong. He couldn’t continue like this. He had to win. But despite this, he was helpless.

Ruruta looked up at the sky. At the direction of Nieniu.

“…”

The sweet temptation tortured him. By meeting Nieniu and telling her to sing for him he would be released of this suffering. Being in Nieniu’s warm, soft embrace he would be able to sleep soundly. Without worrying about anything, in peace.

But it was no good. He mustn’t go. Ruruta himself also clearly understood the cause for the decline of his powers. He knew that seeing Nieniu would solve nothing.

But I still want to see her. I want to see Nieniu. I want to be with Nieniu, the only person who saved me.

Nieniu, why have we met?! Ruruta shouted inside his heart.

“…Starting tomorrow.”

He would go see her just for today. And he would become stronger starting tomorrow. Thinking this, he set his body afloat. At that moment, he heard a voice from behind.

“Ruruta! You must take care of your wounds!”

It was Vooekisal. For some reason Ruruta felt great anger at him recently. Although he was the man he had trusted and depended on the most until he met Nieniu, now he didn’t even want to see his face.

“…You mustn’t go, Ruruta. You are the one who will save the world. Please stay in the Capital.”

“…Don’t order me. That’s for me to decide.”

“I can’t! Do you understand the current situation?”

“Do you want to say something?”

Vooekisal shouted, unable to bear it any longer.

“Please cease your foolery with that worm!”

Anger welled up from inside of Ruruta. Of all things, Vooekisal called her a worm.

“What will the others warriors think if they find out you are playing with a worm! You are humanity’s role model, humanity’s hope!”

“Shut up.”

With anger in his eyes he turned to Vooekisal.

“If you act like this then what are we supposed to do! If you do not fight we’ll all be at a loss! Are you abandoning us?!”

Who cares, thought Ruruta. Why do I have to take care of even the stability of your mind? What were you doing when I was about to die on that day?

What have you done for me anyway? Wasn’t Nieniu the only one to help me?

“Shut up, Vooekisal. I’m going.”

Unable to talk to Vooekisal any longer, Ruruta rose to the sky.

“Why, Ruruta! Please return to being the savior of the world like you once was!”

“Silence! I’m…”

I’m not the world’s savior. He wanted to say this, but was barely able to stop himself. If he were to say that it would become irreparable. Both for Vooekisal and for Ruruta.

He wasn’t the world’s savior. Once he admitted that fact even once, anything and everything would be over. Ruruta would become definitely unable to defeat the Beasts of the Final Chapter.

“…Shiiit!”

While flying in the sky, he angrily shot lightning strikes and fire bullets at the ground. While they were above the power of humans, they were far from the domain of the Beasts.

“What do I need to do?! Just what! Nieniu!!! What am I supposed to do?!”

“…So that was Ruruta just now, huh.”

An explosion reached Nieniu’s ears from afar. The only one in the world able to produce such noise was Ruruta.

She wondered if he would come today. If he does, what should she tell him? Nieniu sat alone in her cave, her body trembling.

Ruruta was losing his power. What did he think he should do? What did he need to do? Nieniu knew as well. She was afraid of it so much she couldn’t stop shaking.

“…Nieniu. Prepare your resolve.”

She clenched her fist and tried to settle her trembling.

Ruruta had to save the world. And right now, he was losing his power, leading the world toward destruction. Ruruta must do it. It was unavoidable. It was inevitable. That was why Nieniu had to resolve herself. The same as his mother.

I didn’t have a bad life. She told herself so. I was able to heal many people. Even if that was nothing but a small consolation.

She had saved Ruruta. He was unmistakably about to commit suicide as things were. Nieniu was able to contribute enough to the defeat of the Beasts of the Final Chapter. This was something no other person could’ve done.

Thinking of it, didn’t I do a good job? That should be enough to resolve myself. The Chief will also surely forgive me.

And so I have to be killed by Ruruta. For the sake of the world, as well as for Ruruta’s sake. That’s the right decision.

“Nieniu.”

At that moment, a voice came from behind her. Nieniu’s body jumped with a start. Was she found out by Ruruta? She was scared of him.

Turning back, she saw Ruruta standing with a horribly brooding expression. Nieniu immediately realized what he came there to do.

“Nieniu, are you afraid of me?”

Ruruta said. So as expected he realized, thought Nieniu.

If possible I wish you wouldn’t have come now. I wanted you to wait until tomorrow morning or afternoon. If she had that much time Nieniu would have readied her resolve.

No. Ruruta wasn’t the one at fault. She was the one at fault for not having resolved herself.

“…No way, I’m fine.”

“Nieniu.”

Ruruta approached her casually. I want to do it as quickly as possible before I start having any doubts – what was his actions transmitted.

“…I’m sorry, Ruruta.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“…Because I did something bad.”

“You, you didn’t. You’re not at fault at all.”

Saying this, Ruruta put a hand to Nieniu’s neck.

“…Ruruta…”

She couldn’t think of any final words, and so only could say a single word, his name. She closed her eyes and waited.

“…Resist me.”

“…Huh?”

Unable to understand the meaning of this, she opened her eyes.

“Resist me. Otherwise I would end up being reminded of my mother, right?”

Ruruta smiled painfully.

“…I-I understand, but…”

Even if she were to resist, she didn’t know what to do. Should she cry, hit Ruruta and try to run when she was already resolved? Also, if she were to resist Ruruta would end up increasingly more pained. Unable to do anything, she stared at his face.

“Nieniu. If you don’t resist I’ll simply end it. What will you do?”

Even if he told her that, she was the one in this difficult situation.

“So you won’t resist. Then, do you have anything final to say?”

Oh, I see. He doesn’t really want to do it. But that’s obvious. No way he’d want to.

I have to encourage him. Nieniu strained her mind trying to think of what to say.

“…I have a request.”

However, what ended up coming of her mouth were not words of encouragement. It was her final request.

“What is it, you can say anything. If you tell me to, I will do anything.”

“…Please keep on being healthy.”

“…”

Ruruta’s hand stopped. The hand resting on her neck began to tremble. And his expression warped. It became the face of a child a moment before crying.

“Nieniu. I’ve told you I’d do anything you tell me. But please think a bit more. Could you request something a bit more doable?”

“…But…”

“No way I could do that, this thing… being healthy… how can it even be done?”

Have I failed again? Wondered Nieniu. I was worried about what would happen to Ruruta after I die. Won’t he be left to spend these painful days all alone again? Thinking of that made it hard for her to die.

“…Too much.”

“…Huh?”

“Too much. It’s too much for me.

I was always alone, I felt like dying countless of times and it just gets worse, and even so, I was unable to see any chances of victory… and once again… once again, my most precious person will…”

Ruruta’s hand left Nieniu’s neck. It slumped down listlessly.

“It’s been enough. Why do I have to keep trying even though this is a fight I’ll never win no matter how much I struggle?”

“…Ruruta.”

“It’s enough, I’m… I didn’t even want to become the savior.”

Ruruta’s knees lost their strength and he buckled down. He stared at the ground in stupor, his face downcast. Nieniu started thinking as she saw this. Wasn’t the savior of the world one who should be blessed, protected, loved, and fostered by the people? Had he been hurt to this extent?

Who had hurt him this much? Was it Orntorra, the Beasts, Vooekisal, the countless Books he had Eaten, Nieniu, or perhaps Ruruta himself?

She laid both hands on Ruruta’s shoulders. He buried his face in her shoulder. Then, he wrapped his hand around Nieniu’s back and pushed her over to the bed made of straw at the back of the cave.

“…Ruruta?”

Nieniu was confused and tried twisting her body to break loose. However, she recalled that Ruruta was after all a boy. And she as well was…

“…Ruruta…”

Nieniu calmed her heart and decided to give herself to Ruruta.

It grew late at night and dawn approached. The pair was holding hands inside the straw bed. She had accepted him. Ruruta basked in the afterglow of happiness.

“…Ruruta, I’m sorry.”

Nieniu said. Ruruta couldn’t help but wonder. Why is she apologizing? She didn’t do anything wrong. She encouraged and healed me.

“Why are you even apologizing? You’ve apologized countless times already, but I don’t get why.”

“…I’ve wanted to protect you, and went to see you. But because of that you’ve lost your power. It’s my fault. So I’m sorry.”

Ruruta shook his head.

“If you weren’t there I would’ve died.”

“…But still, it’s my fault. I couldn’t support you. I didn’t encourage you. There should have been a better way of doing this. A way to make you not suffer like this.”

Ruruta thought. No, Nieniu. I’m the one at fault. If I were stronger, I wouldn’t have had to kill you. I’m at fault because I’m not a real savior. You did nothing wrong. You have saved the weak me.

At that time, a sudden question rose to his mind.

“Say, Nieniu. Why have you come to my place?”

“…Huh?”

“Why do you possess the power to heal me? What is a Singer anyway?”

Nieniu’s eyes widened.

“…Do I have to explain that?”

“I’m surprised as well. I don’t know anything about you in the first place. Will you tell me?”

“…Yeah.”

And Nieniu started speaking quietly. Starting from the history of the Singers until their destruction. About the days she spent with the Chief. About the time she thought of running away. About when she perceived Ruruta crying from afar and thought of saving him. About her going around the world for years, helping people. And up until she met Ruruta.

She spoke little by little, inserting about a second of silence every time she began speaking as was her usual way of speaking.

Ruruta felt something indescribable. Just how many hardships had she had to overcome? All in order to save people as well as save Ruruta.

Plenty of people gave up their lives for Ruruta and were Eaten as Books. Surely that was a valuable self-sacrifice. However, it was completely different from what Nieniu did.

“Why have you chosen that way of living? Even if I was in your shoes it would have been impossible for me. I would’ve abandoned it in the middle.”

“…If you ask me why it’s very difficult for me to answer. I just couldn’t leave crying children alone. Probably just that.”

“You sure are kind.”

By talking to her, he once again became sorrowful.

Do I really have to kill Nieniu? Is it absolutely necessary in order to save the world?

I don’t want to do it. That’s definitely wrong. Why does a person like Nieniu have to die?

“…Ruruta, you’re suffering again.”

Nieniu said, laying her head on Ruruta’s naked chest.

“…It’s fine. I’m fine, I’m not scared of dying anymore. I’m resolved.”

“Nieniu…”

“I’ll die by myself. If I let you kill me, you will suffer again. Forget about me, Ruruta. I can’t take it any longer that you suffer because of me.”

You don’t get it, thought Ruruta in his heart. If you say all that it would make it even harder for me.

If I come to love you any more than this I won’t know what to do.

“It’s useless, Nieniu. Please wait a bit. Please stay by my side for a while longer.”

“…Okay. Thank you, Ruruta.”

And they both fell asleep.

The sleeping Ruruta could feel something welling up from inside his stomach. It was an unpleasant sensation much like nausea.

‘…Ruruta.’

So it’s you lot, thought Ruruta. The souls Ruruta had Eaten were flinging words at him from inside his Imaginary Entrails. The tens of thousands of souls scrambled among themselves to speak to him. Ruruta grimaced at the unbearable tumult. Even if he were to block his ears that voice came from within.

‘Ruruta. You have to kill that woman.’

‘Kill her. Kill her and become the true savior.’

Silence, shut up, thought Ruruta. Go and melt off, become sand inside my Imaginary Entrails, thought Ruruta.

‘Although we have wished for it so much, you have yet to become the true savior…’

‘You started faltering, being afraid and losing heart. Why is that?’

‘It is because you still possess a human heart!’

What are you saying? Even I have a heart. A heart that finds Nieniu precious.

‘Throw away your heart!’

All of the souls inside shouted in unison.

‘Throw away your human heart! Throw away all that you feel and think! Become a being that can think of nothing but combat!’

What is that?! Not feeling or thinking anything… such a thing is not human!

‘Become inhuman! Throw away your humanity, surpass your humanity, and become a true savior!’

Don’t screw with me! Why do I have to kill her! Even though she is such a good person, so kind, and has served me so much! Why do I have to kill her!

‘You also understand why, right?’

‘As you are right now, you will never defeat the Beasts of the Final Chapter.’

I know, I’m painfully aware of that!

But… do I really have to go so far?

‘Is there any other way?’

He couldn’t answer.

‘There is nothing. Will you become a mere loser or will you become the true savior? There is no other path.’

I hate it… I just hate it. I don’t want to become a loser, but I also don’t want to lose my human heart! Don’t screw with me! Why do you make me suffer so much!

‘You are the one to screw with us! Why can’t you kill a single woman! You, who shed not a single tear when we all have perished!’

‘Dying for Ruruta’s sake is natural! We have all died for you, and you allowed it as well! Then that woman too should die for you! Why can you not do it!’

It’s obviously because she is dear to me!

At that moment, Ruruta’s body was shaken. He was pulled out of his dream.

‘Shit! Don’t stand in our way, you worm girl!’

He woke up. Nieniu peeked in his face.

“Good morning, Nieniu.”

“…You seemed to be having a nightmare.”

“Probably, yes. But it’s fine now.”

“…Great. I was worried.”

Nieniu smiled. They both gathered their clothes scattered about and began dressing.

“Come to think of it, Nieniu. What do you eat?”

“…There’re plenty of things in the forest. I’m not particularly troubled.”

Ruruta suddenly noticed – Nieniu changed from using polite speech to a more informal language. It seemed this change was natural and unnoticed by Nieniu herself. That didn’t feel bad at all, and Ruruta smiled broadly.

“…I’ll make breakfast. I can’t make anything too impressive though.”

“Yeah, thank you.”

What I wanted was probably this… a completely normal, and perhaps truly precious, calm and peaceful life.

Do I… have to abandon it? When I do so, will I be able to become a true savior? A being that doesn’t feel or think but simply fight…

A fundamental question rose to Ruruta’s mind.

Why do I have to go so far to save the world?

Breakfast was lily roots and dried deer meat. To be honest, the taste was terrible and it was hard to finish eating. But eating calmly was also something I haven’t done in a long time, thought Ruruta.

“Nieniu. Will you give me a single day?”

“…Obviously it’s fine, but what will you do?”

“I’ve always wanted to try once the thing you call having fun. I’ve never had fun even once in my entire life. I feel like if not today, I would never have another chance.”

A true savior would think of nothing other than battle. And that was what he was aiming for.

“…Okay.”

Nieniu nodded meekly.

“But, since I’ve never had fun before, I don’t know what to do.”

“…I’m not too sure either. What will we do?”

They crossed looks and tilted their heads. A good idea rose to Ruruta’s mind.

“Come outside. I have a place I’d like to take you to.”

Nieniu nodded. As she exited the cave, Ruruta enveloped her with his telekinesis. They both flew through the sky at a dizzying speed.

He looked at her face, concerned she might be scared. Her eyes were wide open in astonishment, but he couldn’t sense any fear.

They flew a great distance to the north.

“…Ruruta, what are we going to do so far away?”

“We’ll just see some things. I believe it will be really interesting. Like that, for example.”

He pointed below him. He realized Nieniu gasped. A huge white object was floating on the ocean.

“…What’s that?”

“Ice.”

Ruruta dropped their altitude and boarded the top of the iceberg. He warmed Nieniu using only a slight bit of fire Magic. Nieniu patted the ice at her feet, confirming it actually was ice.

“…Did you create it, Ruruta?”

“No way. It was there in the first place. I was also surprised the first time I’d seen it.”

“…Unbelievable. Who could believe there was something like this in the world…”

Nieniu pounded at the ice, broke it and played with it. Good, it’s amusing her. Ruruta was relieved.

“There are even more interesting stuff.”

Ruruta brought from the water a weird black bird that could swim well yet couldn’t fly. How cute! Nieniu jumped and was delighted. When captured and stroked the bird made an amusing sound. When they let go it waddled away. Nieniu watched it for a long time.

Taking Nieniu along, they both saw many living beings. She was surprised to see a white bear and worried it might be sick. When they saw a large animal crawl away while writhing, she was scared that it might have been a Beast of the Final Chapter or related to it.

The sun calmly sank down as sliding down the ice. It soon became night.

“Did you have fun, Nieniu?”

“…Extremely. I can’t really put it to words, but it was amazing.”

Nieniu was so excited she couldn’t convey it in words. Ruruta didn’t tire seeing her like this even for an entire day. He wanted to make her have even more fun and be even happier. He didn’t have enough of looking at her.

“At last night came. I was waiting for the day to end.”

“…Huh?”

“I wonder if it’ll appear today… since it doesn’t appear on most days, please don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t.”

Was there something else you wanted to show me? Nieniu was puzzled. Ruruta looked at the sky and waited intently. Nieniu next to him also looked upward.

“It’ll probably appear today.”

“…What will?”

“I myself don’t really know what it is either. But it’s amazing.”

When it finally appeared Nieniu was speechless. A curtain of light spread out in the night sky. The light covered the entire sky, shone in many colors and swayed. Both Ruruta and Nieniu stopped breathing and stared.

“…Ruruta.”

“What?”

“…I have too many things to say, so I can’t say it well. But… thank you.”

I’m the one who wanted to say that, thought Ruruta.

I can’t lose Nieniu. This feeling grew stronger with each passing second. I can’t lose her. Why must I kill her?

If I were stronger, if I had the power to blow the Beasts away with one hand, I wouldn’t have had these worries. If I were crueler, I would’ve killed her without worrying about it. I have neither of those options. I’m not strong enough to defeat the Beasts nor strong enough to make myself kill Nieniu.

Ruruta was convinced – I will never be able to kill Nieniu. I won’t ever regain my power like this. As a result, the world will perish.

Nieniu became more important to him than the world.